My Chore Board

Keeping Track of Chores

I sent a post to the MOMYS group where I mentioned my chore board. I've gotten lots of requests for info about it, so here is some more info, and a picture.

Basically, it's a board that I painted and put cup hooks into. I painted a column for each child, and it has their initial at the top. The far left column, marked "H", is going to be for merits and demerits eventually. I haven't implemented that yet.

Each child has cards on their column with their chores on them. (The yellow cards are rotating privileges - this way I don't have to remember whose day it is for each thing.) Blue cards are weekly chores. Pink cards are daily chores. My little guys have things spelled out, like get dressed, brush teeth. My older kids have a "get ready" card that includes all of those things. All my school age kids have a "school" card.

When a chore is finished, the card is turned around on the hook. It's very easy for me to look at the board and see if something isn't done. Most of my kids love to have their column finished - it's a bit of a challenge for them and they are very proud of themselves when it's all done. I'll eventually include this in the merit/demerit system, like maybe they'll earn a certain number of merits for finishing all their cards without being reminded, or something like that.

I made my board by painting a piece of particle board. Then I drilled holes for the cup hooks and screwed them all in. I took some card stock in different colors and cut it to size. Then I stapled some good fabric ribbon to the back of the cards to make the loops. That way the cards can be turned around on the hooks. I just drew my own pictures on the cards for the little guys. The cards for my older children are just words, since they can read.

I hope this gives you some ideas. I know you can order a board that is similar to this one, but I can't put my hands on the info right at the moment. I'll keep looking for it and post it when I find it.

QuiverX Newsletter - Cabin Fever

Parenting

This is the final installment in our discussion about personalities and learning styles. This one focuses on intelligence. Every parent wants their child to be smart and successful, but sometimes we forget that intelligence is not as simple as a person's IQ. There are many areas where a person can have a natural ability, and each person has their own combination that is their own unique pattern of intelligence.

Dr. Howard Gardner is a researcher into various aspects of intelligence. He has identified seven different types of intelligence. They are Linguistic, Logical/Mathematical, Spatial, Musical, Bodily/Kinesthetic, Interpersonal, and Intrapersonal. Here is a brief description of each.

Linguistic - Obviously, this relates to a person's use of language in reading, writing, and speaking.
Logical/Mathematical - This relates to a person's abilities with math, logic, reasoning, and patterns.

Spatial - A person strong in spatial intelligence can visualize things before they exist. This is helpful in many areas including engineering, drafting, and design.

Musical - This is expressed through a natural rhythm and musical ability. You don't have to have "perfect pitch" to be musically gifted, but you would probably have a rhythm to your movements and hear more of the nuances of music than other people.

Bodily/Kinsethetic - This relates to a person's ability to use their body. This can include people who are skilled with their hands as well as athletes.

Interpersonal - A person gifted with interpersonal intelligence is good at dealing with other people. They have an instinct for working with others, especially in groups.

Intrapersonal - A person gifted with intrapersonal intelligence knows themself. They are often loners who prefer solitude over a group activity. They are often considered shy, but they often have great inner strength and insight.

I'm sure you can see many of these intelligences in yourself and other people in your life. Your children will have different combinations of these various intelligences. The important thing is to keep these strengths and weaknesses in mind when you are dealing with your children. For instance, the choice of an extra-curricular activity will be very different for a child with strong intrapersonal intelligence than for one with a strong kinesthetic intelligence or a strong musical intelligence. One may prefer yoga or martial arts, which includes meditation and self examination, while another prefers a more athletic sport and still another prefers to learn a musical instrument.

Another area where I keep these kinds of variations in mind is when my children try to compare themselves to each other. I try to remind them that they aren't all good at the same things. It's never easy to have your sister or brother better than you at something, but that is the way it works sometimes. Our children need our help to keep perspective and to help build on their strengths while shoring up their weaknesses.


Health

As we are approaching the last few weeks of winter weather, our children will get more and more restless to get outside. I know my little boys especially are getting "cabin fever". Our weather has been better than most, so they have gotten outside a bit here and there in the last week. They can't wait till they can go out and run around! This seems to be the hardest time of the year because they can sense that spring is just around the corner, but it's not here yet.

I've been watching for the opportunity to let them go outside and play, just to get some fresh air and burn a bit of energy. This isn't going to be enough, though, and if I want them to be able to settle down at all for the next few weeks or so, I'm going to have to find more opportunity for them to run and play.

I'm thankful that our local mall has a play area for children (though it's not very big) so that will help. I'll take them up there next weekend and let them have a change of scenery. But there are other things you can do indoors that will burn off that energy and help them wait until spring. One thing we do is play Simon Says. The kids love it, and it's not very complicated. Even my 2 year old plays, though he doesn't understand the concept of when to do or not do the moves. We also run relay races in the house. We have a long hallway, so we line the kids up at the end and take turns running down and back. We make a big deal of it with our cheering and encouragement. There isn't really a winner to these races, since they are all on one relay team, but they all enjoy the game anyway.

Also, we just bought the Wii Fit and my kids are loving it! If you are inclined to have video games in the house and your budget allows, look into this one. It's good for the kids and their parents.


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

Today's quick tip is about discipline. Well, it's more of a reminder than a tip. I realized that I've been a bit slack in my expectations of my children lately. I haven't been as diligent to enforce that they obey the first time they are told. I realized how much of my time and energy were being sucked away by having to repeat myself and go back to make sure things were done like I instructed. So, I've been focusing on reminding my children what is expected of them and enforcing those expectations.

So this is my tip - if you find that you are stressed or short tempered with your children, it's probably because you have slacked off in your discipline in some way. Examine what your children are doing compared with what they should be doing, and you'll see where you source of irritation is. Then focus on addressing this area for a few days or weeks. You'll be amazed at how quickly your children will fall back into line and how much more relaxed you will feel.


Bible Verse

Proverbs 23:24 (NKJV) "The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice, And he who begets a wise child will delight in him."

QuiverX Newsletter - It's All in the Details

Parenting

This is the next installment in our series talking about learning styles. Today I want to talk about two general ways that people process information. They are the global style and the analytic style. Of course, nobody is purely one or the other - we all have a combination of both. But we also tend to be dominant in one or the other, to a greater or lesser degree. Let's look at them both so you can see some of the patterns associated with each style.

People who process information in a global style tend to look at the big picture. They don't usually focus on the details, at least not at first. Because of this, they have trouble with the finer details of information, are often easily distracted, and will sometimes not do as well on tests at school. They often understand the general principle of the school material, but may not be able to answer the specific questions on the test that relate to the details.

People who process information in an analytic style tend to focus on details. They are less interested in the big picture. Because of this, they need more detail given to them when outlining an assignment or project. They tend to be more organized, since this relates to paying attention to details, and grow frustrated in a cluttered environment.

Now, how does this work out in daily life? Jim has many analytic traits, including the need for a clear work surface. If you looked at his desk at work or at home, you would find no papers laying around. Even his current projects are filed away in a drawer. I, on the other hand, am more global. My desk is full of piles of papers. They are organized in a way that makes sense to me, but they are in broad categories. In fact, my inbox is more than just an inbox. It has levels of organization to it, though they are not clearly identified except in my mind. As you look deeper into the bottom of my inbox, you'll find things that are much older, that I'm keeping for future use, or waiting on something. That system would drive Jim crazy because he needs more clarity in his files. Jim's system would drive me crazy because I could never keep up with it - I get distracted by the next project too easily and I'm not always good at finishing one before I start the next.

Here is another example. Our oldest daughter is also very global. Her bedroom reflects her lack of obvious organization, though she can usually find what she needs eventually. She has all the intentions of cleaning it, and she works on it regularly, but she struggles. She tells me that she has trouble breaking such a big job down into smaller projects that can be finished in a few hours. This is typical of a global approach. She can see the big picture, a messy room, but has trouble with the details, such as a step by step plan to clean it. Also, typical of the global style, she works better with a partner. When I work on her room with her, even if I'm just there with her to keep her on track, she accomplishes a lot more in less time.

These aspects of personality/learning styles affect many areas of our lives. They affect the way a teacher teaches. (I once had a teacher who was very analytic. He put all the notes on the board for us to copy. They were color coded and in outline form. Those of us who could adapt to his style and copy everything EXACTLY and memorize it word for word did exceptionally well in his class.) These styles effect the way we interact with people. When you give instructions to your children, you will get better results if you adjust your approach for the globals and analytics. The analytics need all the details and step by step instructions. The globals need the overview first, then they can process the details that go along with it. If you homeschool, these styles will effect how you approach teaching your children.

As a parent, I am working to help my children build up their weaknesses. So, in my global children, I am working to teach them organizational skills and the ability to process details in a way that works for them. Not that I expect them to be as detail oriented as an analytic type would be, but that they would be able to function effectively. For my analytic children, I am hoping to show them the bigger picture and how those details work together in the larger world. And I'm hoping to teach them to have patience with us messy, disorganized globals.


Homeschooling

As I mentioned above, teaching children who have a different way of processing information can be challenging. For parents who are very analytic, a global child who mixes all their papers in one folder can be very frustrating. And for parents who are very global, an analytic child who requires their notebook to be categorized by subject can seem very stuffy. For me, the key is to focus on results rather than methods. For instance, when it comes to finding an assignment, if the child can produce the paper in a reasonable amount of time, it really doesn't matter if it was filed in the proper folder or if it was in the middle of a stack that was folded up in back of the book.

As a homeschooling mom, I also adjust my teaching methods to my children. For my more global children, I know they will get the gist of the lesson, so I need to help them learn the details and why they are important. And I also need to admit that some of the details may not be that important. For example, if my child can tell me that Christopher Columbus sailed in 1492, do I really need to expect him to remember the names of his three ships? Probably not. I do need to keep on top of their organization, though, and help them to learn better methods if they begin to get too disorganized. For my analytic children, I need to try to play to their strengths and keep their paperwork and books organized. Also, analytics tend to need quiet and neatness to study well, so I try to organize their day so their most challenging subjects can be done at the quietest time.

So if you have a child or children who are having trouble in school, consider if an information processing style difference might be part of the problem. It's good for globals to be exposed to analytic teachers and vice versa. We just have to be aware of the situation so we can "translate" between the two styles if necessary.


Quick Tip

This isn't a K.I.S.S. tip, but a more general one. Sometimes we parents will get cranky over something small and not even realize it. Usually for me it's a small thing, but one that I have to deal with regularly, so it makes me cranky in a very subconscious way. A few weeks ago I finally got tired of dealing with one of these and I did something about the situation. It was a quick fix - took me about 30 min and about $20, but the results were wonderful. I was amazed at how much better I felt, even though it was a small thing.

So, if you have something that's nagging at you, especially if it's a little thing, almost too little to bother with, don't ignore it! Just do something about it! Ignoring it is like ignoring a pebble in your shoe. All it does it bug you and interrupt your day. Take a minute and solve the problem, then you can go about your day in peace. It probably won't take as much time as you thought!


Bible Verse

Proverbs 12:24 (NKJV) "The hand of the diligent will rule, But the lazy [man] will be put to forced labor."

QuiverX Newsletter - The Letters of Personality

Parenting

We've been talking about learning styles and personality styles, and this installment will cover the most common way of categorizing the personality styles - the DISC system. The personality traits in the DISC system are Dominance, Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness. Most people are strong in one of these areas and have one or more secondaries. Here is an explanation of some of the traits associated with each of these.

Dominance - these are the decision makers. People who are high D are the movers and shakers, the ones who get things done. Those who are low D tend to want to research more and think about their decisions much longer before taking action.

Influence - these are the emotional people. Those with a high D are the people who empathize with others, and who will connect with people on an emotional level. Low D people tend to try to convince others with data and facts rather than emotions.

Steadiness - these are the stable people. High S people want stability and dislike change, especially sudden change. Low S people are those who like variety and excitement.

Conscientiousness - these are the rule followers. High C's make rules, and like to follow them. They like the structure, accuracy, and tend to be tactful. Low C's are more independent, even rebellious, and tend to be less detail oriented.

(For more detailed information on this subject, check out http://tinyurl.com/yy3grg or http://tinyurl.com/blczj3 .)

Most people, when reading these descriptions, will see themselves in one or more of them. Probably, as a parent, you identify some of the traits in your children too. This is my whole purpose in explaining these traits. If you understand a person's personality traits and how they interact with other people, you can be better prepared when you talk to them, and you can adjust your approach to more likely achieve your desired goal.

For instance, I am a high "I" personality, but my dh is a very low "I". So, when we are trying to make a decision, I need to keep in mind that he will pay less attention to emotions and more attention to facts. If I can bring him facts, he's more likely to agree with me.

In any family, there will be personalities that conflict. Often times, it is because of a difference on this fundamental level. A child who is high "C" will naturally conflict with one who is low "C". Neither is better or worse - we need all varieties in the Body of Christ. But knowing what to expect of people, and what their personal strengths and weaknesses are, will help everyone to be successful.


Health

As we approach the long stretch of winter, I thought I would write about a subject that most of you are tired of hearing about - exercise. Now, don't skip down to the next subject! Exercise can be wonderful for you! I am speaking from personal experience.

I have never been an athletic person. I didn't play sports and I hated doing exercise. Unfortunately, my health has reflected that over the years. I need to lose some weight, and I have often not had the energy to keep up with my family the way I wanted to.

But in the last 4 months I've been doing karate along with the rest of our family. They all have loved it since they started last year, and when I recovered after our last baby was born, I started taking classes. I have to admit that I have been pleasantly surprised with the results.

I can't say that I've lost all the weight I want to lose - yet! But, I have so much energy that I can hardly believe it. I feel like running again! I haven't felt like running since I was a kid! I don't feel like I'm exhausted from keeping up with my kids anymore. I feel like a whole new person! It's wonderful!

Now, it's not all easy, and I don't have a great day every day. That's partly because of my pre-exercise years that I have to make up for. But my good days outnumber my bad days, and my bad days aren't as bad as they used to be. I have lost some weight, and my body composition has improved even where is hasn't reflected on the scale.

So, if you need a pick-me-up for the dreary days of winter, find some exercise to do. Take a class, or join a group, and get moving! It can make a huge difference in every area of your life, even before it makes a difference on your scale or in your waistband!


Quick Tip

K.I.S.S - Keep It Super Simple

My KISS tip today is about birthday parties. We don't do a big party with friends for every child every year. It just gets to be too much - too much time, too expensive, too many extra things to think about. We don't have an official rotation for that sort of thing, but we had friends once who said they only did a party every 5 years for each of their 8 girls.

We prefer to do a big party on their "graduation" years - 8, 13, and 18. Those are the years when they move into page, squire or knight. In years between, if we do a party, it's a very simple thing with homemade cake and party favors from the Dollar Store. Often we just take the family on an outing, which for our family is often a trip to Chuck E Cheese.

So don't feel pressured to do a big party for every birthday. Make a few birthdays special and then do other things to recognize the person on their birthday. Make their favorite meal, or let them stay up a bit later. Be creative and find something that is important to that person to make their day special.


Bible Verse

1 Cor 12:18 (NKJV) "But now God has set the members, each one of them, in the body just as He pleased."

QuiverX Newsletter - Are You Speaking My Language?

Parenting

One of the things I have realized as we have more children is that each of them is a truly unique individual. I know that seems obvious, and most people would say that they realize it. Yet many parents don't interact with their children as though they were unique. Many parents assume that their way of doing things is the right way, so their children should do things the same way. While this may be true in some areas, often it is not.

In my quest to raise my children and understand them, I have studied personality styles. As I've read more and more on the subject, I realized that I had been making that egocentric assumption that my way was the best way. For instance, I had assumed that my daughter couldn't do her schoolwork as well with music in the background because I don't work well that way. When I had this revelation, I tried letting her do her schoolwork with music in the background and she did very well. Even more importantly, she was happy (well, happier, anyway) to do her schoolwork.

Over the years as our family has grown, I have worked to understand the personality strengths and weaknesses of each of our children. There are many different ways to quantify personalities, and when you begin researching learning styles there are even more. I think this is such an important subject that I will write about it for several newsletters. Hopefully it will give you some tools to understand yourself, your spouse, your children and others.


Homeschooling

Let's start with a learning style category that is very important when you homeschool. Generally there are three ways for a person to learn something new - auditory, visual, and kinesthetic. Auditory involves hearing the information, perhaps from a lecture or book on tape. Visual involves what you see, perhaps from a book or movie, or watching a demonstration. Kinesthetic involves touching and moving, perhaps through doing an experiment or doing an action. Most people have one method that is stronger, and perhaps a second method. Some people are well balanced among all three.

Most classrooms expect a student to learn in a visual way, although an auditory learner would probably do fairly well. A kinesthetic learner would likely struggle because the traditional classroom doesn't provide very much kinesthetic learning opportunities. In a homeschooling environment, you have the flexibility to provide the learning opportunities that your child needs. One of my sons is very strongly kinesthetic. He learned phonics by running across the room to get the flashcard with the proper letter on it, and I still let him pace the floor while he is reciting his memory work. Both of my daughters are very auditory. They actually work better when they have music in the background. One of them learns her spelling by singing the letters while she studies them. I am a very visual learner. I remember somebody's name best when I see it written or when I write it down. Trying to learn while moving or listening to music distracts me. I have had to learn to see things through my child's eyes, and help them find the learning methods that work best for them.


Quick Tip
K.I.S.S. - Keep It Super Simple

Sports - If you have children who are involved in sports, you can identify with how crazy that can make your life. Our family does karate and it can be pretty overwhelming. There are uniforms and gear to keep track of, and the schedule for getting everyone to class each week is challenging. Here are a couple of tips that have helped us. I hope they will give you some ideas for handling the logistics of your family's extracurricular activities

- Each person has their own gearbag. All gear is kept in the bags except during use. Uniforms are kept in the bag unless they are in the laundry.
- Laundry pens are your friend! Mark those uniforms with an initial or some other designation so you know what belongs to whom. For dark colored items we use a silver sharpie.
- Dinner can be crazy when you are gone to classes or practices all night. Buying dinner out every week (or more than once each week) can break your budget. I make a simple dinner for us to eat in the car - sandwiches, string cheese, crackers, sliced apples, juice (in a jug with cups). I also do a larger lunch on days when we have class.
- Bring toys for the younger kids to play with during other people's classes. This will keep them busy so they won't be a distraction. We like Matchbox cars and dominos.


Bible Verse

Deut 6:7-9 (NKJV) "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates."

QuiverX Newsletter - SMART Goals

Happy New Year!

Parenting

One very useful skill that we need to teach our children is goal-setting. This skill can help our children achieve more in their lives, because they won't waste time being distracted and they won't leave a trail of unfinished projects behind them. If this is a skill you are still learning, start by applying these principles in your own life and see what a big difference they make!

- Goals should be WRITTEN DOWN! If you don't write them down, you'll forget them, and then you can't achieve them. Write them down and keep them in a place where you see them regularly.

- Goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely (SMART). In other words, don't just say "I want to get in shape" but rather say "I want to lose 20 lbs before our vacation in August". Writing goals according to these criteria will help you achieve them. Keep in mind that different goals have different time lines. The goal to lose 20 lbs has a different timeline than the goal to save for your child's college or for retirement. I try to have some goals that are shorter term as well as some that are long term.

- Break down your goal into steps. Let's take our goal to lose weight. We can break this down into steps. Maybe we'll exercise 3 times a week, give up our daily latte and eat more vegetables each day. These are each steps to take that are small enough to implement, and they are measurable. You can look back and count how many times you exercised or how many servings of vegetables you had this week.

- Track your progress. Make it a habit to check your progress toward your goal periodically. Monthly might right for most goals, but some might need to be tracked more closely while others might not need to be tracked that often. For the weight loss goal, a monthly evaluation is just right, but a weekly check to make sure we're doing our steps properly is useful too. Then monthly we'd check how much weight we'd lost and make sure our steps will be enough to reach our goal on time. If not, we might need to change our steps so we have more weight loss each month.

So, sit down and give some thought and prayer to your goals for this year, and help your older children do the same. One thing I try to do is set goals in 5 different areas of my life: my health, my wealth/finances, my personal development, my social/family development, and my spiritual development. That helps me to make sure I don't neglect one area while I'm focused on something else.


My goals

Here are some of my goals for this year. I'm writing some of them here to help me hold myself accountable for working on them.

Health - keep going to karate, eat more veggies
Wealth - work on improving communication with Jim in this area
Personal - read some of the classic literature my kids are reading for school
Social - improve my daily schedule
Spiritual - memorize Romans 5-8 by practicing a verse or two each day


Homeschooling

This is the perfect time of year to take some time and evaluate how your school year is going. I did this earlier this week and was very happy with what I saw. I looked at what I wanted to accomplish in each subject and compared that with how much time is left in the year. We have a couple of subjects that might cut it close, but I can focus on those more closely at the end of the year as we finish up other subjects. I also made a note of a few pieces of curriculum I'll need to buy in the next month or so.

I'm excited to get back to school next week, but I realize that my kids are not all going to be excited. They've been enjoying their vacation! I have been too, and I've gotten a lot of things done over these two weeks. So I am preparing myself for the challenge of those first couple of days after we get back to school. I know some of my kids will complain about how much school they have to do, and I know my little guys will try to interrupt at the worst possible time. But I also know that it won't take very long for us to get back into the swing of things. After the first week, we'll be back into our routine - hopefully with improvements to our schedule!


Quick Tip

K.I.S.S. - Keep It Super Simple - Christmas decorations

I just put away most of my Christmas decorations today, as usual. We try to put them up on Thanksgiving Day and take them down on New Year's Day. As I was taking the ornaments off the tree, I realized that my storage system is not very efficient. I'm going to have to think about that and improve it for next year.

Mostly, though, our decorations are stored pretty simply. We have a big plastic bin for all the outdoor lights, another one for big bulky things like wreaths, and another for the tree decorations. Some of the other indoor decorations go in the tree bin also. These bins stack in the garage. The plastic keeps everything safe from bugs and moisture.


Bible verse

Philippians 1:6 (NKJV) "[B]eing confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ"

Change of format

For those of you who are coming over from our Newsletter, welcome to the QuiverX Journal!

We hope you will find the same helpful content here that you have enjoyed in our twice monthly newsletter. We'll try to include some of the same helpful articles, and include some other short tidbits in between as well.

Feel free to contact us if you have questions or comments.

Blessings!
Jim and Shannon French

QuiverX Newsletter - Aiming for the Future

Parenting

One of the biggest chunks of a teen's life is spent at school, so it is an area that parents need to give some attention. Whether you send your child to public or private school, or if you homeschool, high school is a time of narrowing down your options for the future and working to build skills that will serve you best. That might mean that your student no longer takes classes in each subject every term, but he or she might begin to focus on an area of study that they intend to study further in college or in the area they intend to work in.

When our daughter reached high school, we took a look at her knowledge base so we could structure her schooling (we homeschooled her) to best meet her needs. We decided that she was already very strong in some subjects and weak in others. So we skipped over the subjects she was strong in so she could put that time toward working on her weaker subjects.

Of course, part of this process needs to include serious consideration of the teen's future plans. We begin to ask the Lord for insights into the future of each of our children starting from when they are born. As they grow, we see bits and pieces of things in their personality that are hints into God's plan for them. When they enter their teens, we begin to pray more earnestly about the subject, and regularly talk with the child, to begin forming a plan for the child's future. Then, when the child is in high school, we have a rough idea of where they are going, so we can make decisions that foster their future plans.

And don't be afraid to do things that are out of the ordinary. Don't be afraid to homeschool through high school if you want to. Many colleges will accept homeschooled students - just contact the schools you are considering to find what their procedures are for homeschoolers. And don't be afraid to use other resources. In our state, high school juniors and seniors are able to attend community college, and the local school district pays the tuition. Our daughter did that and completed her Associates degree that way, opening many doors for employment for her, even though she was very young compared to other college graduates. Your community may not have that program, but there might be other resources that will help your teen reach their goals. Not that every young person should plan to go to college, of course. That happened to be what was best for our daughter. The important point thing is to seek God for His plan, because then you know that God will provide everything they need to accomplish it.


Finances

As the economy has gotten worse, many families are finding themselves experiencing a financial crunch. As prices rise and wages don't, your budget is probably feeling the pressure, just as mine is. Here are some ideas for helping tighten your belt.

--Eliminate the extras. I'm doing this in every area. I've cut snacks and desserts from my food budget to absorb the extra costs of the more important items on my shopping list. We've also evaluated everything in our budget to make sure it's really needed. We have a list of things we can do to save money if things get too tight.

--Cook from scratch. This really reduces costs, and improves the quality of your food. There are a lot less preservatives and additives in your homemade food than in something that comes from a box or can.

--Go meatless. Beans, eggs and cheese are cheap sources of protein that you can substitute several times a week if you need to. My family loves peanut butter, which is pretty cheap compared to a meat-based meal.

--Cut back on your heat. You can use a timer on your furnace to turn the heat down at night and turn it back up when needed during the day, especially if you are gone during the day. Or you can do what we do and run the heat at night and wear extra clothes during the day. We have found that our little guys don't stay covered up at night well enough to turn down the heat too much in their rooms. But they can dress warmer during the day, or cover up with blankets, so we don't have to run as much heat. And if you have alternate sources of heat, like a fireplace or woodstove, you might save a lot of money by using that during the day instead of your furnace.

One thing to remember, though, is that God is not surprised by your situation, whatever it is. Our family has gone through tough times before, like the 4 months Jim was laid off several years ago. It wasn't pretty, but we never went hungry or anything. God always provided for us, even if it was just barely in time. So if things are looking bleak for your checking account, be in prayer and trust that God will take care of you. He'll provide what you need and give you wisdom so you can use the resources He provides for the best benefit.


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

Christmas can be expensive! If you believe the ads you see, you'd think everyone had thousands of dollars to spend each year on gifts. With the economy being tough this year, it's the perfect time to KISS your Christmas celebration!

First, simplify your gift giving. Do you give gifts to people just because you always have? Maybe you can stop this year? Our extended family used to draw names for Christmas, but everyone would just give a $25 gift card. We decided several years ago that it was just adding extra stress to our holiday trying to meet someone else's (perceived) expectations. So now we only give gifts to those we want to, and not to people out of a sense of obligation.

Second, simplify what gifts you give. If you are handy, you might be able to give a homemade gift instead of a store bought gift. My daughters and I are planning several home made presents this year. Other presents will be things that have meaning and not just some "thing" we bought at the store. For example, we are giving grandparents, aunts and uncles a calendar with pictures of the kids for Christmas. Most places that do online photo processing have a tool for this now, and they are pretty neat.

One other idea is to buy a family a group present. My parents gave our family a membership to a local zoo that we love to go to. We are giving our children group presents also. And we'll probably pool the money we get to buy something really neat that we can all enjoy. We still get each child a small thing for their stocking, but the bulk of their present is part of the group gift.
And, we aren't attending all the events this year. It's partly because of time constraints, but also because of budget issues. $5 here and $10 there for each family member at work, school, or church adds up fast! Some of those you can't ignore very easily, but some you can. We're only attending those that are important, not everything available.

If you want to get really radical with your Christmas this year, you could skip the gift giving altogether and change the focus to helping others who need it. You could give your money to a homeless shelter instead of buying gifts, or spend Christmas Day serving meals to the needy. There are lots of opportunities to serve.



Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."

QuiverX Newsletter - The Dating Game

Parenting

One subject that most teens and their parents deal with is the issue of dating. Often young people want to date, especially if their friends do. Often parents don't want their children to date. Or if the teen is allowed to date, there are many details to be decided, such as who to date, what the young person is allowed to do, curfews, etc. It's a very complicated subject!

Our family decided that we prefer the courtship model rather than the dating model. Both Jim and I dated as teens and we saw many of the mistakes that young people can make in dating relationships. We hoped that our children would avoid some of those mistakes by taking a different approach.

First, we tried to teach our daughter that she really shouldn't invest a lot of energy in a relationship with a boy until she was old enough and mature enough to actually get married. That meant that we discouraged all of the crushes that came along during her teens. I regularly talked with her about the subject. I would try to help her acknowledge the attraction she felt for certain young men so she could begin to understand why she liked them, yet also encourage her not to invest time and energy into the crush. She wasn't always successful, of course, but overall she did well. In fact, when she got into her older teens and she had friends who went through breakups, she came and thanked us for not letting her date and saving her the heartache her friends were experiencing.

Now, I realize that not every family will make this choice. Some families are ok with dating and some aren't. I think the important point here is that in each family the parents need to seek God for wisdom and decide what is best for their children. Then they need to implement that plan and not waver from it, and continue to seek God for wisdom as the plan unfolds.

Another important point I want to make is that we made our decision well before our oldest was old enough to start dating. In fact, we made the decision when she was about 10 years old. And we began to talk about it, and teach her about it, and try to make her understand why we wanted to do things that way. I think that starting when she was young helped a lot. She didn't feel like we were making a big change midstream, and we were able to lay some foundational principles before she was old enough to begin rebelling against them just because they came from her parents. Since we made the decision with our oldest, it has been even easier to teach our next children as they grow. They have an example of what it looks like now, and for them it's "always been that way".

Whatever way your family chooses to address dating relationships, do it in prayer and with lots of communication between parents and teens. That's the key!


Health

As cold and flu season approaches, now is a good time to talk about what you can do to avoid getting sick and what you can do to get over a cold or the flu. Our family takes a natural/nutritional approach to medicine, so we use that approach during this season also. Here are some things we do:

- Watch your nutrition! I have noticed that as we have more sugar in the house after Thanksgiving, we get sick a few weeks later. This year I'm cutting back on the eggnog and Christmas cookies and all the other goodies in the house. And I'm buying those little mandarin oranges a lot more often. My kids love them and they are full of vitamin C.

- We take our vitamins. We all take a good multivitamin, some fish oil or omega 3 supplement, and a pretty good amount of vitamin C. Jim and I take other things too, for various reasons, but these are the core of our supplements. Since we started the omega 3's we have noticed that we don't get sick as often, and it doesn't last as long. But the really effective supplement for colds and flu is Vitamin C. We take extra when someone is sick or when we are exposed (like if someone is sick at work) to illness. If you need help determining dosages, consult your doctor.

- We try to keep up on handwashing. My kids are really bad about washing their hands, but they will use Purell diligently, so that works for us. I go through a lot of Purell in the winter. I will try to pass it out several times a day during the peak of the season, and remind them to use it regularly as often as I can.

- I love Lysol wipes and spray! It's antibacterial and antiviral, so I use it on all those commonly used surfaces in the house. I clean doorknobs, light switches, toilet flush handles, faucet handles, remote controls, video game controllers, phone handsets, computer keyboards and other commonly touched surfaces with them. I also try to wash pillow cases more often during the peak of the season.

- Wash those toothbrushes! You can soak them in a cup of mouthwash or saltwater to kill germs.
- Hydrogen peroxide. Jim and I use drops of hydrogen peroxide in our ears when they get itchy or when we feel a cold coming on. It usually stops it from developing. This is safe as long as your ear drums are intact, so keep that in mind if you have other issues with your ears. My kids can't handle the weird noise and tickling from all the bubbles, but we will sometimes dip a q-tip in hydrogen peroxide and clean just inside the ear canal with that.

If you or someone in your family gets sick, give them lots of rest so they can recover. Turns out your grandmother was right - chicken soup is good for you when you are sick. Nutritionally it's best if it's homemade (I'll post my recipe below) but even canned is better than nothing. I also love the Halls Defense lozenges with echinasea, vitamin C and zinc. Those are great for building your immune system and they help your throat too.

Keep in mind that the newest guidelines for cough and cold medicines say that you shouldn't give them to young children. The official guidelines is not to give them to children under 4, but my pediatrician says not to use them in children under 6. (If you want more information, please ask your doctor!) So, what are you supposed to do with a sick child if they can't take medicine? Here are some alternatives that we use:

- Instead of a decongestant, you can use a saline nasal spray. It will re-hydrate the tissues in the nose, and the saline has an antibacterial effect. It is very helpful in washing mucous out of the nose also. Just spray and then have the child blow. For a young child, use the drops and a bulb suction syringe to suck out the mucous.

- For coughs, you can use steam to soothe the lungs and loosen mucous. We like to bring the kids in the bathroom and run the shower really hot so it steams up. Sometimes they even sit on the side of the tub and soak their feet in the warm water. We will sometimes use a vaporizer in the bedroom at night too. And Vicks Vaporub is good. They even make a Baby Vicks now that is suitable for young children. If your child has an irritated cough, you might try having them drink a cup of warm water with a few tablespoons of honey in it.

I hope these tips are helpful for you, but I hope even more that you won't need to use most of them! May you stay healthy and happy this winter!


Recipe

Homemade Chicken Soup

For the stock:
1 whole chicken, cut up if you like
1 onion, peeled and chopped
4 bay leaves
splash of white vinegar
salt and pepper

Add all ingredients to a stockpot and cook 35-45 minutes minimum. Remove chicken to cool.

Remove onion and bay leaves. Pick meat off chicken, discard bones. (The vinegar helps pull the good nutrition from the bones of the chicken. You won't taste it in the final product.)

For the Soup:
Chicken and stock from above
4 carrots, sliced
2 tsp poultry seasoning
1 tsp season salt
3 cubes of chicken bouillon
1 or 2 cloves garlic, minced
4 stalks celery, sliced
1 onion, peeled and diced
1 c mushrooms, sliced
1/3 c apple or white grape juice
3/4 c heavy cream
3 tbs fresh parsley, chopped

Bring stock to boil, add carrots and seasonings and cook 3 minutes. Add garlic, celery and onion, cook 5-10 min. Add noodles and cook until done. Add chicken, mushrooms, juice, cream and parsley; cook 2 minutes.

Note: This soup is really good with an Italian twist to it also. Change the seasonings to Italian seasonings instead of the poultry seasoning and season salt and add parmesan cheese at the end.

Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

Here are a couple of quick tips to help your Thanksgiving dinner turn out perfect.

- I love to inject melted butter into the breast of the turkey. I bought a flavor injector at a kitchen specialty store several years ago and it's wonderful. For a large turkey I melt about 3-4 tbs of butter and inject into the breast in about 4 places.

- My grandmother's trick for yummy stuffing is to wet down the bread before you mix in the other ingredients. She used tapwater to wet the bread, but I decided to add more flavor by using chicken stock. I dampen the bread and squeeze out the extra, then break it up into bite size pieces and mix into the stuffing.

- Paula Dean's trick for serving that first slice of pie is to bake it in a disposable foil pan, then cut the side to you can get your server in there under the piece. Serves up a beautiful piece of pie every time!

- Don't feel so bad about serving candied yams and pumpkin pie this year. Yes, they have sugar in them, but they are a wonderful source of beta carotene! Who knew food could taste that good and be good for you too!

- When you are done with your turkey, boil it down into stock (you can adjust the recipe above - you'll just need to double or triple the recipe, depending on how big your bird is) and make soup. You can freeze the stock for future use too, for soup or to flavor rice or to make a yummy turkey noodle casserole.


Proverbs 20:11 (NKJV) "Even a child is known by his deeds, Whether what he does is pure and right."

QuiverX Newsletter - The Balance of Life

Parenting

As your children move from the preteens into their teens, things change again. Some of those peer pressure conflicts are less pressing, and I found that my daughter wasn't quite as out of control emotionally. However, other pressures begin to come into play, and these are challenging in their own right.

The teen years are a time when the young person is trying to figure themselves out, apart from their parents. They might begin to question their faith. Our daughter did - not really from the standpoint of rebelling against it, but more from the standpoint of needing to decide if she really believed what she had been taught. And as she began to own her faith rather than going on her parents' coat tails, we began to see fruit in her life.

Teens are reevaluating much of what they have been taught, to decide what they will "own" and what they will discard. It might be different issues with each young person, but this is a root of many conflicts between teens and parents. Sometimes parents feel threatened by this process because they feel like their child is rejecting so many of the principles and rules they have been raised with. Our approach to this was to have many, many conversations with our daughter about why we do what we do, going back to Scripture whenever possible. We realized that our goal wasn't to force our daughter to conform to our wishes, since she would soon be old enough to do whatever she wanted. Our goal was to win her heart and to convince her of the wisdom of our choices. Be aware, though, that your children probably won't choose to follow everything you want them to. That is their choice (when they are adults, anyway) and you can't force them to believe something. That is the nature of having free will. But if you can explain things and discuss them with your teenager, there is a good chance they will see many things from your point of view.

One of the other challenges of parenting a child this age is keeping the balance between the rules you require to be followed while they are still children and allowing them to go through this evaluation process. We didn't allow our daughter to ignore our rules, even if she didn't agree with them. It does cause conflict, but it's still important for the parents to maintain their authority. The young person may be maturing rapidly and approaching adulthood, but they aren't there yet. They still need their parents to protect them from their immaturity and inexperience.
Please keep in mind, though, that this balance changes as they grow. It's a gradual transfer of power, so to speak. You have to exert more control over a 13 or 14 year old than a 17 year old. This is a difficult thing for parents to balance, and we found ourselves in prayer often seeking God's wisdom and guidance. Prayer is a key to navigating these difficult years. Pray for wisdom, both for you as parents and for your children. Pray for their protection as they are beginning to stretch their wings. Pray for God to give you the right words as you talk to your teens.

Over the next few newsletters we'll talk about some of the specific issues relating to teenagers and how we dealt with them. I hope they will give you some ideas!


Do The Next Thing

At an old English parsonage down by the sea, there came in the twilight a message to me.

Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven that, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.

And all through the hours the quiet words ring, like a low inspiration, 'Do the next thing.

Many a questioning, many a fear, many a doubt hath its quieting here.

Moment by moment, let down from heaven, time, opportunity, guidance are given.

Fear not tomorrow, child of the King, trust that with Jesus, do the next thing.


Do it immediately, do it with prayer, do it reliantly, casting all care.

Do it with reverence, tracing His hand, who placed it before thee with earnest command.

Stayed on omnipotence, safe 'neath His wing, leave all resultings, do the next thing.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener, working or suffering be thy demeanor,

in His dear presence, the rest of His calm, the light of His countenance, be thy psalm.


Do the next thing.

~~ Elizabeth Elliot


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

With the Holidays approaching, look for ways to apply the KISS principle to your celebrations. Here are some things we do.

We try not to overdo our schedule, especially in December. We don't go to every Christmas party we are invited to. We try to keep our schedule from getting overwhelmed. Otherwise our stress level gets too high and we aren't actually enjoying the celebrations.

We also try not to let our diet go out the window. If we do and we eat too many sweets, we get the flus and colds that go around this time of year. This goes along with keeping your schedule from getting overwhelmed. If you aren't getting enough sleep or you are too busy to cook like you normally do, your immune system won't function at its best.

For us, we do a big dinner on Thanksgiving. While I'm cooking, Jim and the kids decorate the house for Christmas. The tree goes up, along with all the other indoor decorations. Then the lights go up outside. We love to light up our house for Christmas, even if it takes a bit of time to install everything.

We also don't have any family close by us, so we don't have a lot of travelling to do for Christmas. So we open our present early most years. Jim will take some time off to make it a long weekend (or more) and we open presents at the beginning of this vacation. Often our family will send us gift cards for Christmas rather than shipping presents, so we will go shopping on those last days before Christmas, or right after, to take advantage of the great sales. It's not stressful for us because we don't have deadlines and we aren't stressing our budgets - we're spending our Christmas money!

Oh, and this might be the most important way to keep the holidays happy and stress-free. Budget all year round for Christmas time. Then you won't be stressed from trying to find money in your budget at the last minute, and you won't be using credit cards.



1 Timothy 4:12 (NKJV)"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."

QuiverX Newsletter - On Archery and Arrows

Parenting

Last time, we started talking about dealing with preteens. I talked about how one of the things I did with my daughter was to work on building our friendship so she and I could talk about some of those difficult situations she would face. Another strategy we used was the principle of picking your battles. When our daughter got into this age, it became clear that we were going to disagree about a LOT of issues. It seemed like she suddenly wanted to do anything and everything new and different. Some of those things were ok to try and some of them were not acceptable, even to try. As much as we wanted her to want everything we wanted, and for her to do everything like we did, we realized that she needed to make her own decisions. We realized that in a very few short years she would be able to do whatever she wanted and we couldn't stop her. So we starting choosing our battles very carefully.

We started to talk through the decisions WITH her, helping her understand WHY some things were unacceptable and some things were ok. We also talked about WHY some things were ok to try but we had decided against them. It helped her understand that some things violated principle and some things were based on preference. She didn't always make good choices, but we knew it was a training process, and that as she made mistakes she would grow and learn.
One thing that really helped us to understand the process is the analogy in Psalm 127:4 "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth." We realized that the process of forming arrows is an excellent analogy for raising children. It takes time and care to form the arrows properly - to make sure they are straight and strong, to make sure the feathers are straight, to sharpen the points. But, more importantly, you can have the best arrows possible and still miss the mark if you don't shoot the arrows properly. You have to aim them, you have to pull back the bowstring, and you have to release the arrow and send it toward the target. If you miss any of these three elements, your perfect arrow can still miss the target.

Aiming your arrow is imparting vision to them. They have to see beyond the daily grind and look into their future destiny, at least a little bit. It can help them fight against peer pressure and keep them on the right path. Otherwise they can get bogged down in the trivials of teenage life, like fashion and peer pressure and other fads. We start to ask God to show us His plan for each child starting when they are young, so we will have wisdom in guiding them as they grow. It's indispensible for us as they approach the teen years. That is a time when pathes diverge and choices must be made - to go to college or not, to focus on this subject or not, to begin studying a particular subject of interest and how much time to give that study. For instance, we discerned early that Tasha was going to spend time in Japan, so we encouraged her study of the language and culture. If we had not felt that was part of the Lord's plan for her, we would have discouraged her from spending so much time on it.

Pulling back the bowstring is more associated with those later teen years. It's a time of tension and even losing control, as an archer would if his arm gave out while holding the string taut. It's also a time of committing to letting your child go and launching them toward their target. It's a difficult time, but the Lord, in His wisdom, keeps it short.

The release is critical in shooting an arrow accurately. It's common to pull one way or another at the last second, and this will pull your arrow off course. Also, if you don't get a clean release, your arrow will be hindered. We'll talk more about these last two as we talk more about older teens.
Keep this analogy in mind when dealing with your teens and preteens. It can help you keep your goal clearly in mind. It's not about winning every battle - it's about hitting the target!

Recipes

Here are a couple of my favorite fall recipes. Enjoy!

Baked Oatmeal
I usually double this and bake in a 13 x 9 pan. Add whatever fruit you like. We love pears or apples along with the raisins. This is also really good for supporting milk production for all you nursing moms!
1 egg
1-1/2 c oatmeal
1/4 - 1/2 c sugar (white or brown)
1/2 c milk
1/4 c vegetable oil
1/4 c raisins
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp cinnamon
Other fruit as desired

Preheat oven to 350. Lightly grease 8 x 8 baking dish. Lightly beat the egg in a large bowl. Add remaining ingredients and mix well. Pour into prepared pan. Bake 25 minutes.


My Mom's Chili
This is a sweet chili recipe. We don't like spicy food so this is wonderful.

1 lb ground beef
1 onion, diced
1 can red kidney beans, drained
1 can diced tomatoes with liquid
1 can corn, drained
1 can tomato sauce
1/2 tsp nutmeg

Cook beef and onion in dutch oven; drain. Add remaining ingrdients. Simmer 10 minutes. (Longer is ok; just add more liquid if it dries out.) Top with toppings of your choice, like sour cream, diced onions, or shredded cheese. Serve with breadsticks, cornbread or crackers.


Fast and Easy Lasagna

2 - 15 oz containers ricotta cheese
2 eggs
2 c shredded mozzarella cheese, divided
1/2 c grated parmesan cheese, divided
1 cup cooked, chopped spinach (optional), if using frozen, thaw and drain VERY well
1 jar or can (26-28 oz) spaghetti sauce in flavor of your choice
2 c water
12 lasagna noodles, UNcooked

Preheat oven to 375. In one bowl, combine ricotta cheese, eggs, 1 cup mozzarella cheese, and 1/4 c parmesan cheese. In another bowl combine spaghetti sauce and water.

In a 13 x 9 pan, spread 1 cup of sauce mixture. Layer 4 uncooked noodles, then 1 cup sauce mixture, then 1/2 of cheese mixture. Repeat layering again. Top with remaining 4 uncooked noodles, then cover all with remaining sauce mixture. Make sure all of the noodles are covered in sauce so they don't dry out while cooking.

Cover tightly with foil and bake 1 hour. Remove foil and sprinkle with remaining mozzarella and parmesan cheeses. Bake uncovered 10 minutes more. Let stand 10-15 minutes before serving.


Quick Tip
KISS - Keep It Super Simple

Since we have many new subscribers, I thought I would review some of my favorite tips. I have written about most of these before, but a good review never hurts.

1. Socks - I don't have a bunch of different socks for each of us. I try to have a different kind of socks for each person. Hanes is really good for this because they stamp the bottom of the socks in different colors for different sizes. Another solution is to mark the bottoms of the socks with a laundry marker with either the size or initial of the owner. I mark my baby socks with the size so I can keep them straight. We mostly wear white socks for casual days. The boys wear black socks to church. Jim and I have dress socks, and my girls have some special ones but they are obviously girl's socks. This keeps sock sorting to a minimum. If I have a sock that is missing its match, it goes in the proper drawer. Often the match will come along in a day or two, and it can be matched then.

2. Meals - I use a meal calendar to plan what dinners we're going to have for the week. This lets me make an accurate grocery list, and I can take into account what events we have going on that week. If I'm going to be busy or gone all day, I know I need a fast dinner, or something that goes in the crockpot. Also, having the menu written out keeps all the kids from asking me what is for dinner. I keep a list of meals that we make and I estimate the total cost of each meal. That way I can look over the list and choose dinners based on what is on sale and what my budget looks like. I like to try new meals, and if one is a hit, I'll add it to the list so I'll remember to make it again.

3. Laundry - First, I don't sort my laundry into lights and darks. I do keep a pile just for cold wash/delicate items and do them every so often. Otherwise, Jim likes to keep the laundry moving, so that at least keeps all our clothes clean. He runs the clothes through the washer and dryer, then sorts out our clothes, baby clothes and the girls' clothes. That leaves the boys' clothes for me. I'm training my 10 year old to fold these and my 5 year old to put them away. I have a big table next to the washer and dryer that we sort and fold these clothes onto. It's so nice to have a place to put them (instead of my bed!) and they can "live" there for a while if they need to.

4. Pets - (this tip isn't very old, but it's one of my favorites!) I love my dog! I have 2 cats that I love to snuggle with, but my dog saves me so much time and work! He loves to find all the spots where the kids leave food, and I don't have to sweep after every meal because he cleans up the majority of the food. I just have to sweep up crumbs every few days. Plus, my pets are an opportunity for my children to learn responsibility. One feeds the cats, another cleans the kitty litter, and in the summer they work together to clean up the dog piles in the backyard before we mow the grass.

5. Sunday morning - we KISS every Sunday morning, or we would never get to church on time. First, we plan to leave with plenty of time to spare. That way if we are running late, we still get there before things start. We try to leave ourselves about 20 minutes extra when we leave on time. We pack things on Saturday night so we don't have as many things to do on Sunday morning. We pack our Bible bag with all the Bibles, and I check the diaper bag to make sure it's stocked. During the week if I have anything to take to someone at church, I'll drop it into the diaper bag since I know I'll be taking it with me. Also, we keep the outfits for the kids very simple. I have similar outfits for my boys in each size, so all I have to do when they grow is pass down the next bigger size. My daughter has a couple of dresses for each season and she just picks which one she wants to wear that week. For breakfast, we do frozen waffles that they carry (no syrup!) and eat in the van on the way. Super Simple!

Psalm 127:4,5 (NKJV) "Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate."

QuiverX Newsletter - Friend or Foe

Parenting

As promised, this will be the beginning of a discussion about preteens. I thought that since preteens and teenagers are so complex, that I would give each age group a couple of articles.
I don't know if you remember being in Junior High school. I do. I think the hardest year of school is 7th grade. Being a 12 year old is no piece of cake. You aren't quite grown up yet, but you want to be. And yet you still want to act like a child, and often do, in spite of all your efforts to act like a teenager. The "in between-ness" of the 11-13 year old age group is the hardest part about it, for both the child and the parent.

The child spends a lot of time trying to act older than they are. Girls want to start wearing makeup. Boys are trying to act cool like the teenage boys do. They seem to be trying to become older overnight by sheer force of will. And their parents find themselves shocked and running to catch up. They are still trying to get used to the idea that their child isn't so much of a child anymore and suddenly they are faced with all sorts of issues to deal with. They are inundated with requests to stay out later or watch this movie. They begin to hear music they didn't hear before, or see clothing they don't like. And the constant mantra of "But so and so is allowed to do this or that" is heard throughout the house.

One thing I learned very quickly when our daughter turned 11 years old was that we needed to form a new way of interacting with each other. I couldn't expect to dictate her every move anymore. I could control her before, but I realized that within a few short years she would be completely outside of my control. She would be an adult. Yikes! I realized that I needed to stop fighting the developmental phase she was in and embrace it, turning it to my own purpose.
So I worked hard to build a relationship with my daughter that was not so much a parent-child relationship but also included the foundation for a long lasting friendship. Not that I wasn't acting in authority over her, but more that I was trying to get to know her, as a friend would, and letting her get to know me the same way. It was weird at first, but I think it was completely worth the effort.

Some of the things we did were to talk about non-confrontational issues. We'd talk about her dreams for the future. We'd talk about what life was like for me as a kid. And after we had an argument (which was often - don't get me wrong here), we'd sit down and talk about it. I'd explain to her that she only had a short time to learn so many important things, and that I cared about her so much that I was trying really hard to teach her what she needed to know. My daughter is a very application-based learner, meaning that she wants to know WHY she has to learn this or that, and when she understands the application of something, she learns quickly and remembers the material. So we spent lots of time explaining why things were important in the big picture of her life, and talking about what life skills she would need when she reached adulthood.

Of course, this didn't prevent all the fights and disagreements, but it went a long way toward making them constructive instead of destructive. And it built the relationship, which was the most important thing in my mind. I knew that she would come to times when she needed advice about something truly serious, and I wanted her to be comfortable enough with me to talk to me and not just her same-aged friends. I remember what it was like to get advice from friends who were equally immature and who couldn't give me any valuable input. I didn't want her to have to rely on that - I wanted her to have a resource with some life experience. It worked, for the most part. Not perfectly, but that's ok. Nothing is perfect except God, and He is big enough to use our mistakes for good in spite of us.

Next time I'll talk about one of the biggest strategies for dealing with preteens and teenagers.


Homeschooling

Well, it's October now. Most of you who homeschool have been going for several weeks now. This is a good time to take a quick breath and look around at how things are going. For me, I'm still trying to get into the rhythm, but it's coming along. My kids are almost done complaining about how much work I give them, having found that it doesn't benefit them any, so now they are focusing on what schedule they want to follow in completing everything. They seem to prefer to play around most of the morning and work harder in the afternoon, which is fine with me. The afternoons are quieter since my little guys are napping, so we can focus more closely on the schoolwork.

We're getting there, though. My plan to introduce the little guys to the schedule and manipulatives early has worked pretty well. They actually got tired of the manipulatives I need to use with school pretty quickly, which lets us use them without getting mobbed by preschoolers who want to play too. I've been using a toy-rotation strategy since then. I have several bins with miscellaneous toys in the kids' bedrooms. I have started pulling one of these out into the living room for the little guys to explore. I leave it out for a day or two, then switch it for another bin of toys. That keeps the exploration fresh and keeps the children busy playing. It's left my living room quite a mess most days, but it's worth it to be able to school without too many interruptions.

I guess for me getting organized comes in layers. First we follow the schedule even if nothing gets done. Then we are actually accomplishing what we're supposed to during the time scheduled. Then I get better at being prepared before the day starts, which is when I really feel like things are humming along. Right now I'm trying to get into the habit of printing or copying all the sheets for the week on Sundays, so they are all ready to go on Monday morning. I think that will help Mondays be less crazy. Then I'll work on adding my daily chores back into the schedule. That will help my evenings and weekends run more smoothly.

If you have been having trouble with schooling this year, I hope you will take heart. It does take some time to get into the swing of things, depending on how many little ones you have. But you can do it. Take it one piece at a time, have some patience, and ask God for wisdom as you go. It'll come together! If you have had a really good start of the year, please email me and let me know. I'd love to share some of your tips!


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

Usually in this newsletter, we talk about things relating to having many children. This Quick Tip is more directed at our marriages. Remember, your family will run much smoother if both parents are working together. If you are fighting with your spouse, you won't be working together effectively. If there is a lingering discontentment in your marriage, it will cause increased stress level in your home that will effect everything, including your children.

So, one of the best ways to maintain a healthy marriage is to take time alone together. This doesn't have to be a date where you get a baby sitter and spend a lot of money. It can be as simple as putting the kids to bed early so you have time to spend time together for a bit. However it works for you, try to get time alone together with your spouse.

Another thing you can do is to flirt with your spouse a bit. Every wife likes her husband to give her compliments, even if they are little ones. Many will be happy with a simple rose brought for no reason or some other small gift. Most husbands like it if his wife flirts with him. You can catch his eye and wink at him across the room, or leave him little notes. They can be encouraging notes or maybe something a bit spicier. I've heard of some wives who leave messages on their husband's voicemail or even send text messages. Be creative!

However you and your spouse work it out, make sure you set aside some time for each other. Your home will have more peace, your children will be happier, and your marriage will be strong. You might not be able to imagine life after all your kids grow up and move out, but the time will come eventually. You can invest a little time now so that when it's just the two of you again, things will be good!


Prov 5:18 (NKJV)"Let your fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of your youth."

QuiverX Newsletter - Milestones

Parenting

The next stop in our overview of parenting different age groups is the 7-10 year old. This age group is dominated by the school experience, so whether you homeschool or not, you are spending a lot of time on school related issues with these children. When you think about it, your child has a lot to learn! They have to learn about riding the bus and eating in the lunchroom and playing with all the other children, and that doesn't even include all the academics they are learning!

According to the classical education model, this age reacts very favorably to chants and songs to help them memorize things. Most of us remember singing rhymes as we played, whether we were jumping rope or choosing who was "It" in our game of tag. They were silly little ditties that didn't make any sense (whoever thought of catching a tiger by the toe was crazy!) but we still remember them today. This is something we can turn to our advantage as we work with our children. Use rhymes or songs to teach them things they need to memorize. We used the Schoolhouse Rock videos to learn our multiplication tables last year and they loved it. Even my preschoolers were singing the songs. You can use this for learning everything from Scripture to the states and capitals to math tables to emergency contact information.

Another thing about this age group is their love of games. I remember fondly the private school I went to during my elementary school years. The teachers had many games that we played to learn all sorts of things. They were fun for us, but we were learning critical thinking skills, or teambuilding, or math tables, or historical information. Only looking back from adulthood can I see the depth of education I received from these great games. Sneak some extra learning into your children's lives by getting some of the good quality games that are available today, or make up your own. Some are computer based, and this can be great, but some are the traditional board games too. I love this section of the Rainbow Resource catalog!

I think the hardest part of parenting children of this age is the rapid change they are experiencing. They go from an excited 7 year old to a moody preteen in a few short years. It's hard for my habitual personality to make the adjustment. Thankfully, my children have been more than willing to remind me when they are approaching those "tween" years.
Next time I'll talk more about those preteen years that are so challenging, and yet only a foretaste of what is to come.

Milestones

In our family, we have decided that we want to have milestones for our children as they travel the road to adulthood. We realized that our culture doesn't have very many milestones as you grow up. There aren't many days when you can look back and say that I'm suddenly older and have more responsibility than yesterday. Even birthdays tend to be more an exercise in materialism than anything else. We wanted to change that for our children.

We got the idea from the book Raising a Modern-Day Knight, by Robert Lewis. The book talks about having a coming-of-age ceremony for fathers and sons. While discussing the concept, we decided that we didn't want to wait till adulthood to have these ceremonies, and we didn't want to do them only for our sons.

So we developed our milestones. We patterned them after the process of becoming a knight that boys followed in the times of chivalry. Generally, they started as a page, then became a squire, then were knighted by their lord or king. We make our children a page at age 8. We have a small ceremony with our family and some trusted adults that are important in our children's life. At age 13 the child becomes a squire. This is a larger ceremony with more people attending. At age 18 the child is knighted by Jim in a big ceremony where we invite everyone we can think of.
At each stage, the child is given both more freedom and more responsibility. This makes it very easy to declare that a certain privilege or responsibility is page-level or squire-level or knight-level. That way all the children know that when they have attained that level, they will have that same freedom or responsibility. No more complaining about things not being fair! For instance, our pages are required to attend pre-service prayer with Jim each Sunday, but the younger children can play in the nursery. The pages also get to schedule time to do something alone with Jim for a few hours each month or so, which is a precious privilege for our kids. Each stage comes with more freedom AND more responsibility.

To symbolize the increased responsibility at each stage, they are given a weapon at each ceremony commensurate with their level. Pages get a swiss army knife, symbolizing their role of serving their family and others. This knife is a utility knife for every situation and we are teaching our pages to serve wherever they are. Squires get a dagger. This is still primarily not a fighting weapon, but you could use it as such in a pinch. Our squires are beginning their training in spiritual warfare - learning to pray for the lost and the sick, learning to defend their faith, and learning to witness to the lost. Squires are still in a role of serving, but they are learning to use their fighting weapons. Our knights receive a sword and are knighted in full ceremony. They even spend an extended time in prayer with a few close friends the night before the ceremony, as the knights of old used to. When they are knighted, they are adults and are treated as such. Not that they don't still respect us and seek our guidance about things, and we don't make them move out or anything. But the relationship between parent and child changes that day.
Your family might not decide to take our pattern and use it in your own family, but I would encourage you to think about the process of raising your children from the big picture perspective. Think about ways you can be intentional about how you raise your kids and what you teach them. Having milesones can be a part of that. After all, if you know at the start where you are trying to go, you'll have a better chance of getting there.

Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

People are amazed when they find out that I have 8 children, but the thing that often amazes them more is that we have a dog and 2 cats. I usually laugh and tell them that I wouldn't have 8 children WITHOUT my dog! (The cats aren't really intended to DO anything in the home, except be cute and fuzzy, which they are good at.)

My dog Shadow saves me so much work! Without my dog I'd have to sweep under the kitchen table after each meal. And I'd have to search out all the crumbs and scraps of bread that the children sneak out of the dining room. But I don't have to - Shadow does it for me! That alone is worth the price of dog food!

Plus, because Shadow is a big dog (shepherd, lab, collie mix), he is a security measure also. He barks when people walk by our house, and while he's usually friendly to people, I've seen him be very agitated with an unsavory looking teenager at my front door. If that young man had ideas about doing something to us, I'm sure he thought twice about it after seeing Shadow!
His particular mix is a good one for a big family. He's protective of us with strangers, but when we invite someone in he accepts the guests readily. He is almost never aggressive with our kids, and loves to play with them.

If you don't have a dog yet, don't dismiss the idea. Yes, they require some attention and you have to feed them and care for them, but I have found that they add more to the home than they take. If you are considering a dog, my best advice is to get one that is a mixed breed of friendly, family dogs. We once had a shepherd/rottweiler mix that didn't work out so well. He was great with our family but didn't accept guests into the house. Also, puppies are a lot more work, but it's worth it, in my opinion. You get the opportunity to socialize the dog the way you want, and to train it the way you want. If you get an older dog, you risk getting a dog with habits that might not be acceptable to your family. And when you get your puppy, spend a lot of time with the dog. Take them places where they will meet many different people. Take them to obedience classes so you can train him or her. There is no greater turnoff than a big undisciplined dog! But a wonderfully trained and friendly dog can be a huge asset to your home for years to come!


Psalms 34:11 (NKJV)"Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD."

QuiverX Newsletter - Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde?

Parenting

The next installment of our series in parenting focuses on the 5-6 year old.

It always amazes me when my preschooler turns 5 years old. Even after having had 5 of my children turn 5 years old, I am still taken by surprise when my peaceful and balanced 4 year old turns 5 and suddenly changes. The best analogy I can think of to describe a 5 year old is Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde.

When my 5 year old is busy learning something or enjoying life, everything is good and they are the happiest child you could ever see. But when you have to change their activity or tell they they can't do something, look out for Mr. Hyde! Suddenly my child, who I thought was finished with temper tantrums, is wailing or crying or pouting as if they had just reverted to being 2 again.

But, the good news is that this stage doesn't last as long as it did when they were 2. It seems like by the time my children turn 6 they are pretty happy and balanced again. Soon those tantrums are a distant memory. Maybe that's why I am always surprised when my next child turns 5!
This age is not all temper and frustration, though. It has a lot of good things too! This is the age where children are learning so many new things! If they didn't know their letters, numbers and colors already, they will soon learn them. They will start to learn to read and count and write. At this age imaginary play is wonderful to watch, and they are beginning to learn to follow rules in games, which opens a whole new world of play in the form of board games.

I have developed some strategies for dealing with children of this age. I keep expecting good behavior, even while I know in the back of my mind that I might have to deal with some tantrums. This keeps me from being surprised by the behavior that I'm likely to encounter, but it also keeps me from accepting it and allowing it to become a habit.

I do try to keep children of this age busy with something productive. They are still a bit sponge-like, if you'll remember my last article, but by this age they are usually wanting to learn things that are more applicable to school. So I try to keep them busy coloring and practicing writing and counting and working with math manipulatives and cutting with scissors. Sometimes a child this age isn't interested in some of these things, so I don't push it, but most kids this age are interested in at least some of these activities.

When it comes to homeschooling, I don't push too hard with children this age. My goal for them is that they learn to love learning and to look forward to school because it's fun and exciting. So I let them participate with the older children as they want, and then I work with them individually in just a couple of areas - usually phonics and math. The rest of the time I try to play off their own interests. I don't want to make them sit down for hours each day doing a lot of bookwork. That will discourage them and teach them that school is boring.

Children aged 5 or 6 are a mixture of challenge and delight. If you nurture the curiosity while teaching the self control to overcome the temper, you will set the stage for some wonderful elementary school years.


Recipe

Since I started to cook from scratch more at home, I have been frustrated because so many good recipes use canned cream soups. I love those recipes, especially since they are simple, yummy, and can be nutritious, but in my efforts to eliminate the artificial chemicals and preservatives from our diet, I refused to buy the canned soups. I am so happy to say that I have found a recipe for condensed cream soup that really works. Quick casseroles and easy crock pot meals are back on the menu! Hooray!

Cream Soup Substitute
1 Tbs butter
3 Tbs flour
1/2 c. chicken broth (or beef, or vegetable, depending on what you are making)
1/2 c. milk
salt and pepper to taste
Add-ins for the soup you are replacing - celery, mushrooms, chicken, asparagus, etc.

Melt butter in saucepan over med-low heat. Stir in flour still smooth and bubbly. Remove from heat. Slowly add liquids, stirring to keep it smooth. Return to heat. Bring to gentle boil. Cook, stirring constantly, till thickened. Season with salt and pepper. NOTE: if you are doing soup with Add-ins that are not cooked, cook them first in the butter. It doesn't look as smooth as you make the soup, but it will smooth out as you go.


Homeschooling

I'm sure those of you who are homeschoolers have made your plans and ordered your books. This time of year is always exciting for me. I'm excited to get into the new books. I have high hopes for how much we are going to learn this year, and how well things are going to go. I have learned to temper this excitement, since it isn't shared by my children and reality is usually not as rosey as I hope it will be.

One thing I am trying this year, in hopes that things will go smoother when we officially start, is to start with my little kids first. I mean that I'm working with them now, teaching them to play with the toddler and preschool toys I have for them so they won't need as much of my attention when we officially launch school next week. In the past, I have waited for Launch Day, and my excitement has been sapped when my toddlers won't sit still, or get into all the supplies, or try to eat all the new crayons before I have even started our first lesson. This time, I thought that if I start with them, a few weeks before The Day, they will be over some of the excitement and have a bit of a routine built already. Maybe it will be easier to insert the formal school into this framework.

Another thing I've done is get our schedule a bit more settled beforehand. I've been working from a schedule most of the summer, just to keep chaos at bay, so I have been adjusting it slowly to make sure I can work school into it as easily as possible.

Finally, as we begin school, I have just decided that I don't expect to accomplish anything big for the first week or two. It will take us that long to get back into the groove and get everybody used to the new activities. So I go through the motions for the first couple of weeks, but I don't expect much to stick because of all the interruptions and upheaval. I know if I stick to it, after those first few weeks we'll hunker down and really make progress.


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

One thing I do to help keep things straight with my kids is I assigned them all a color. I bought plastic dishes, bowls and cups in rainbow colors, and each child is assigned their color. I have several sets of each, so I have enough even if the dishwasher isn't clean.

This helps me in many ways. It helps me know which child didn't put away their dish after a meal. It also helps me when I'm dishing out food, since each child wants their food a bit different - more or less of something, various condiments, etc. I used to dish out according to what the child would want, but forget which plate belonged to which child. It really helps me keep track of cups, which seem to constantly sprout legs and wander away under the furniture. I know what color cup I'm looking for, and I know which color is missing from the counter. And it helps me teach the toddlers not to drink from someone else's cup, and helps them learn their colors.
You can take the color code a lot further - apply it to any area where you are having trouble with things being left out. I bought pencil boxes in 5 different colors this year. They don't correspond to the colors we have assigned, but they are all different so they will learn which belongs to whom. I know some large families use the color code with towels. That way you know who didn't hang up their towel after their bath or shower. We try to use the code for toothbrushes, or at least get them all different.

The possibilities are endless here. Do you have an area in your house that is challenging to keep straight with all your children? Color code it!


Deuteronomy 6:7 (NKJV)"You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."

QuiverX Newsletter - Feeding the sponge

Parenting

I have been working my way through a series of articles about children's various growth stages and some of the parenting issues that come with them. Today I want to talk about preschoolers.
Preschoolers are a lot of fun! It's almost a breath of fresh air after the turmoil of the 2-3 year old. Older 3 year olds and 4 years olds are a pleasure! They have found balance again after all the willfulness of toddlerhood, and they are intensely curious. It seems like my preschoolers love the word "Why?" I call this the "Sponge Stage", and one of my biggest jobs as mom of a preschooler is to feed that sponge!

What I mean by that is to give a preschooler as much exposure to new things are you can (within the confines of your family situation). They will soak it all up, even if they don't really understand it all right now. Reading to your children is a wonderful way to do this, and it will also help them develop reading readiness. Field trips are great fun at this age too, as long as they are place that include hands-on activities. Kids this age will love getting their hands dirty as they learn about something new. And, of course, the zoo is fascinating to children of this age.
But not every outing has to be so spectacular. Your preschooler will learn a lot from a visit to just about any store, or the library, or the doctor's office, or the local park. My kids love going to the hardware store as much as the craft store. And if they get to help with the project when we get home, they are even happier.

And don't forget to build on that desire to help and be involved. Use that to your advantage at home by teaching your preschoolers to do chores. The key is to do them WITH the child, and make it fun. You'll be surprised at how quickly your children can learn to do simple (and even not so simple) chores around the house. Preschoolers can dust tables (save the breakables for Mom), empty wastebaskets, unload the dishwasher (stack things on the counter for Mom to put away if necessary), sort and put away laundry (and even fold some of the simpler things), and pick up their own toys (and those of smaller siblings too). That makes for a very busy child, but a happy one. Everyone loves to be useful, and we all love to be told how we have done a good job. Your preschooler will enjoy that too!


Health

I'm sure most of us have done a good job of child-proofing our homes. Those of us who have had many different toddlers over the years have learned all the little things that children can find in our homes. One thing you might not have considered, though, is how safe your toddler is outside your home. Other people may not have child-proofed their homes, especially if their children are older.

This issue came up at our house earlier this week. A friend had come by and we were standing in the front yard talking while our kids were playing. The girl who lives next door was visiting my children, so many of the kids were going back and forth from our front yard to hers. After my friend left, I went over to collect my 2 year old from the neighbor's front yard. As I was picking him up to take him home, I spotted a bottle of Round Up sitting next to the front walk, complete with trigger sprayer.

I was thankful that my son was more interested in their mini trampoline than their weed spray, and I mentioned it to my husband and older children so we could be careful with the little ones. It wouldn't take much time at all for a small child to slip away and go play with something so fascinating, with scary consequences. It makes me pray that much more for my children, and hug them a little tighter at bedtime. In fact, this article came to mind last night after I had a bad dream about it.

We can't expect the whole world to be child-proofed. Most people just don't think about it anymore. Let this be a reminder to us parents of young children that we must be ever vigilant. We must not expect places we go to be completely safe for our children, even if they are our neighbors or relatives or the local family restaurant. And we can keep the phone number for poison control handy, praying that we'll never need it. It's 1-800-222-1222. I now have it programmed into my cell phone, which will help me sleep a bit better tonight.


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

Another way that we keep things simple in our house is to do several quick cleanups during the day. This keeps the house (mostly) picked up of toys, so the task of picking things up doesn't get overwhelming for anyone.

We have 2 main rooms that need to be picked up, and the kitchen and hallway gets cluttered too, so we assign those rooms to our children. Each child gets assigned a room for the month, and we keep that list on a white board in the family room. The older 2 children trade the larger rooms (with the one doing the bigger room having the privilege of sitting where they want in the van) and the next 2 children trade the kitchen (toys on the floor, not dishes) and hallway. My next oldest child is 3, so he gets assigned to help whichever room is messiest.

This makes it really easy to get things cleaned up. I just tell the kids that it's cleanup time, and they know which room is theirs that month, so they go do it. And I know who is responsible for each room, so if something is missed I know who to call. It also eliminates all of the blaming back and forth that we used to have. You know, the "I didn't get that out, she did! She should clean it up!" Now, if it's in your room, you put it away. No more arguments and fighting.

I try to clean up at times that have their own natural motivation. If I do cleanup right before naps, they will dawdle forever, so I do it before lunch. They are hungry, so they work a lot faster! I also do a cleanup before Jim gets home from work and again in the evening before the younger ones go to bed. We try to have the house picked up before bedtime so we have a clean start in the morning.

I use my white board for other things too. I keep notes about upcoming appointments on there, as well as a To Do List. If Jim wants me to do something, he can write it on the board so I don't forget. We also keep our Memory Verse up there, so all the kids who can read will see it throughout the day. We keep our annual family goals there too, which helps to keep them in the forefront of our minds as we go through our day.


Proverbs 22:6 (NKJV)"Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it."

QuiverX Newsletter - Stake that Tomato

Parenting

One thing that any parent of a toddler can tell you is that they are good at getting into mischief. It seems that each toddler has their own mischief specialty. Some of my kids seem to have been born to climb. Others were so mechanically inclined that they figured out the baby-proofing mechanisms in my house. Some seem drawn to play with their parents' stuff. Others were obsessed with their older sibling's prized possessions. Still others love to play with the dog or cat food. Regardless of what a toddler prefers to use, their favorite pastime is making a mess, and they seem to be especially good at being discovered at the worst possible time - like just as guests are pulling into the driveway!

I'm am currently experiencing my 7th toddler and I still get surprised by him. By the time my toddler begins to outgrow the mischief stage, I feel like I finally have everything figured out. I know what that child will do in certain situations, and I've built up the habits of guarding his favorite targets. When we have a new baby, I have temporary confidence that I'll handle the inquisitive toddler months more easily this time. Certainly I have the house babyproofed THIS time! Unfortunately, each child has a different personality. What used to be the main target for the last toddler is ignored by the next, and I have to learn a new set of rules.

So how are we parents supposed to cope, especially when the rules of the game change each time a new child reaches this stage of development? The most basic line of defense, of course, is baby-proofing your home as much as possible. We keep the false doorknobs on many doors all the time. We keep magnetic locks on the kitchen cupboards that house glassware and other dangerous or delicate items. All our children are trained not to go into the front yard unless an adult is with them.(The front yard isn't fenced in like the back is.) Just this level of protection will save many stresses.

The next line of defense is your older children. Many times a big mess was averted because an older child came to tell me about a situation before it got out of hand. I don't consider this to be tattling - it's helping to protect and care for their younger sibling.

The ultimate defense, though, is called "tomato staking." Anyone who has grown tomatoes knows that eventually the plant gets too tall to stand on its own, and you have to tie it to something stronger, like a stake, to hold it up. This protects the fruit and the plant. With your toddler, if you "stake" the child to you by keeping them with you as much as possible during the day, you can protect the child from himself and save yourself a lot of messes.

The biggest challenge with tomato staking is that you have to plan your day so you are doing something that will interest the child while they are awake and save those "boring" things, like reading your email or talking on the phone, for naptime. I try to do some of my household chores during that time, involving the child as much as possible. My 2 year old loves to unload the dishwasher (he's not as good at loading it, so I save that for later), or help me sort laundry, or help me sweep or vacuum. He's great at picking up toys as long as I help direct him as we go. Not only am I keeping him from getting into trouble, but I'm also teaching him how to work and do chores!

Often, though, I am pregnant during this phase and just don't have the energy to be this active with my toddlers. On those days when I'm extra tired or sick, I'll put in a movie or tv show that they will watch, and I sit with them. We are still spending time together, but it doesn't take as much energy on my part. I will also go lay down on one of the kids' beds with the toddler and some toys. That will often give me an hour or more to rest while they play.

Toddlers are a challenge, there's no doubt about that. But if we can turn that energy into a positive direction, our precious "tomato plants" will grow and bear fruit that will bless us for many years to come!


Finances

In our last newsletter we talked about putting real numbers on things in our budget when we are trying to decide what needs to be cut. I mentioned a friend who didn't think she could go across town to shop because of the high price of gas. This leads us to another thing we must consider as we try to balance our budgets. It is the issue of time vs money.
It seems like you either have time to spend on something, or you have money. Rarely does a person have both. Sometimes a person doesn't really have either. But, to get something, you have to spend one or the other. If you want vegetables to eat, you either have to spend money to buy them or time to put in a garden. If you want new clothes, you either spend money to buy them or time to make them.

Sometimes we feel such pressure in our budget that we go out of our way to save money. We will go to 3 or 4 stores each week, buying certain things on sale at each store to save a bit on those items. What we have forgotten to consider is the amount of time we spend to do this. If you spend an extra hour (planning what to buy at which store, and time to go to these extra stores) just to save $5-$10, is this really a good use of your time? Isn't your time worth more than $10/hour? Often we feel the limits of our budget, but the amount of time we have available is just as finite.

One thing I did was try to tally up what it would cost to hire people to replace me. If I was going to hire housecleaning so I didn't have to do it, how much would that cost. Add that to the childcare, cooking, running errands, schooling, and bookkeeping that I do and that would cost a LOT! Even dividing that by 24 hours a day, your time is worth more than $10 per hour. From that perspective, it doesn't make much sense to drive across town to save $.50 per gallon on milk.

Of course this is something you have to keep in balance. Sometimes you simply don't have that extra $.50 per gallon to spend on milk, so you have to either drive across time or go without. Sometimes you have to spend the time. But often we only look at cutting our monetary costs and we forget our time investment. Our time is precious, so try to keep it in balance too.


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

One thing that can really overwhelm a family, especially a large family, is laundry. I have fought my way up laundry mountain more times than I can count, and over the years I've gotten a system down that keeps things easier. Here are some of my tips.

First, I don't sort my colors. I know some people do, but I don't. My dad always did our laundry and he never did either, and I could never tell the difference. I do keep separate things that need to be washed in a cold/delicate load, and some specific whites I wash separately (like our karate uniforms or our Sunday morning dress shirts), but otherwise, it all goes in the same load. If you do want to separate your colors, get one of those laundry sorters and use it!

Second, I keep my laundry washed. I try to never have dirty laundry sitting around. I might not have it all folded and put away, but at least it's clean and in the basket. That way if somebody is looking for something, when they find it they can wear it. Also, it keeps things from getting smelly.

Third, I have a staging area for my washed laundry. If I don't have time to fold it right away, I sort it into three places. Towels get folded and put away right away. All the boys clothes go in a basket for sorting. These will be sorted and stacked on the table in my laundry area. The rest - all adult, girls, and baby clothes - go in my bedroom (right next to the laundry). They go on my bed so they have to be dealt with before bed that night. They get further sorted and put away from there.

Fourth, I am trying to learn to fold the boys clothes a little bit every day, but I'm still not there yet. But at least when I fold up their clothes it only takes 30 min or so. I try to get them put away right away, but that often doesn't happen. But at least if they are folded on the table, my boys can find what they need pretty easily.

Right now, the kids store their clothes in bins that are on shelves in their closets. We don't use the closets for toys - just clothes. They have a rod across the top for dress clothes and coats and such, then they each have a shelf. They get a big bin for shirts and shorts, then a small bin for underwear and socks. They stack their pants between the two bins on the shelf. This is great because I can fit a lot more in the bins than I can in a dresser, and the bins are clear so they can see what's in the bottom. Best of all, I can tell when they have too many clothes - because their bin is overflowing! When that happens, we sort through and give some clothes away.

Ultimately I want a room just for laundry and clothes storage for the kids. I want shelves for the bins right there next to the washer and dryer. I'll put in a couple of changing rooms so the kids can get dressed right there. Their clothes will only leave the room when they are being worn. How nice will that be!


Proverbs 22:15 NKJV "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him."

QuiverX Newsletter - Set a Good Precedent

Parenting

Continuing our series about children, let's talk about older babies and toddlers. Sleeping problems are common issues with this age group. Here are some of the things I do to deal with them.

First, when my babies are about 6 months old, I move their night sleeping place out of my room. It seems like this is the age where they realize that I am right there and I'll pick them up if they start to fuss. I suddenly find myself nursing them every 2 hours all night long. So I put their portacrib in a room that is empty, so if they wake up and cry at night they won't wake anyone else up. In my home, that is often the living room. I'll put the baby to bed in our room at first, then move them to their crib in the living room when we go to bed and the house is quiet, usually nursing them again while I'm there. Then I use the baby monitor so I know when they need to nurse in the night. It's amazing how making this small change will adjust their nursing schedule. Suddenly they only need to nurse once or twice a night again!

The second thing we do to help our children sleep is to keep the toddlers in a portacrib instead of moving them up to a bed. We keep them in a crib through those years where they would test us by getting back up out of bed when they are supposed to be sleeping. I think this helps them learn that bedtime is bedtime, not time to play and see how many times they can get back up each night.

When we do move a child to a toddler size bed, they are usually 3 or so. We know we'll have to do some training with them to establish that they need to stay in bed after we say goodnight, but it doesn't take very long for them to learn. They are used to going to bed and going to sleep, so the quickly adjust to the new bed or room.

Sometimes a toddler who has been sleeping through the night will wake up in the night for some reason. Usually, if they don't go back to sleep pretty quickly, I'll have to go try to settle them down. This often means getting them up and cuddling them in a dark room for a bit. Sometimes they seem to think it should be time to get up, and seeing the house all dark and quiet helps them see that it's still sleeping time. Sometimes I think they had a bad dream or were too hot or too cold, and a good cuddle with Mom helps them calm down. Once in a while the child won't want to go back to sleep. If I can't get them to settle down, I have to let them cry. Since my toddlers share a room with my daughter, I'll move her to the couch for the rest of the night so the crying doesn't keep her up. (She doesn't mind - she feels like it's a slumber party.)

One other aspect of sleeping for this age is naps. My kids take naps till they are 5 or so. They don't always sleep when they get older, but I have them lay down anyway. When it starts to bother them, I cut down the number of days they nap. If they don't get cranky, I slowly wean them off naps.

Some things we don't do are sleep with our older babies in our bed or get roped into sitting with a child until they fall asleep. Some families are able to make this work, but it doesn't work for us.
Keep in mind that what works for one family won't necessarily work for another family. I try to consider things that work for other families, but some things just aren't a good fit. So when you are reading these ideas, keep that in mind.


Finances

I know we are all feeling the pinch right now because of increased prices, especially for gas and groceries. It's easy to feel like you can't afford to go anywhere or do anything. Last week I heard someone say they couldn't afford to drive across town to go shopping, so they only shop on their side of town. I'm sure these sentiments are common right now.

It occurred to me that the true costs involved in driving across town are really less than we think. My van gets about 13 mpg. Driving to the other side of town here is about 7 miles, so a round trip costs me 1 gallon of gas - $4. A few years ago that same trip would cost me $1-2, so we are really talking about spending an extra $2. That's not very much money. That's less than I would spend on a fast food cheeseburger meal. It's less than a gallon of milk. It's less than a footlong sub at Subway!

We do need to be aware of stresses on our budget, especially with prices rising all around us. Most of us have already had to adjust our budgets, or our grocery lists, because of the higher prices. Some of us might even be in the situation where we truly don't have the extra $2 for that trip across town. But when we are making choices about what to cut and what to keep, we need to be aware of the true cost of things. It doesn't do us any good to get stressed about things that really don't make a big difference. I spend more on cable tv than on trips across town. If my budget really needs an adjustment, dropping those trips won't do as much good as cancelling the cable.

So let's be realistic in the changes we are making. It will keep our stress levels down and make life easier.


Quick Tip

I have begun to realize the power of setting a precedent in my family. What I mean is that it's easier to keep doing something that you have been doing than it is to start something new. So if you start doing something with your first baby, it will be easy to continue doing that with your next baby and so on after that. This is a powerful thing!

Use it to your advantage! As quickly as possible, set a precedent for something you want to see, like having your children put their dishes on the counter after they eat. Focus on making it happen with the children you have, especially the older ones. Pretty soon, the younger ones will follow suit without you really having to say very much. It will just become the way it is in your home.

Keep in mind that this principle works against you too. It works against you when you are trying to change bad habits. If your children are used to getting back up out of bed several times each night, this principle will lead your next child to do it too, and so forth with each subsequent child. So you need to keep this in mind when you see a bad habit forming in your children. Address it as soon as possible so it doesn't get passed down to the rest of the children.

This is the #1 thing I would tell new parents. If they take the time to start the proper habits in their child from the start, those good habits will naturally pass down to the other children. It will make life much easier if the habits that naturally pass down are good ones.


2 Timothy 3:15 NKJV "[A]nd that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus."

QuiverX Newsletter - Hush Little Baby

Parenting

Today I'm starting a series that looks at the various stages of childhood and some of the parenting issues that go with each stage. First, let's look at babies, specifically at crying.
All babies cry - we know that. And parents hate to listen to their baby crying. I think God put that response in us so we would be sure to meet our baby's needs. After all, the only way a baby can tell us when they need something is by crying. I tell my older children that crying is the only way a baby can talk.

But should we run to pick up the baby as soon as he starts crying? There was a school of thought, years ago, that doing so would spoil the baby. Lately, with the advent of Attachment Parenting, mothers have been much closer to the baby, sometimes even "wearing" them, so there is no need to go pick him up. And yet, even children who are parented in this manner still cry sometimes.

I used to be very quick to pick up my baby when he cried. I never could listen to my baby cry without feeling terribly guilty. In retrospect, this developed some bad habits in my older children when they were very young. Sometimes giving a child everything he wants isn't the best thing to do.

I learned this lesson when God gave me my third child. She was adorable, and sweet, and very intense. When she was 6 weeks old she began to notice the world around her, and she couldn't keep her eyes off it! But, she was too young to be able to handle all of this stimulation. When bedtime came, she was very tired, but she was too stimulated to fall asleep, so she cried.
We tried everything we could think of, and everything anyone suggested to us. We walked with her, rocked her, nursed her, drove her in the car, put her car seat on the dryer while it ran, kept her in a dark room, made sure it was a quiet room, tried to keep the day quiet and boring - everything we could think of, praying all the while. In spite of all our efforts, she still cried for 45 minutes each night before finally falling asleep. We realized that she really NEEDED to cry at night, at least for the time being. We finally understood that it was the only way she could unwind from the day. We decided that we had two choices - let her cry by herself in her crib or hold her while she cried. I decided that she was too little to leave by herself, so I held her while she cried. Thankfully, she outgrew this stage when she was about 3.5 months old.

This was the beginning of my journey to understanding balance on the subject of babies crying. I no longer run to pick up the baby when he cries. I realized that it doesn't hurt my baby if he cries for a little bit. As a result, my toddlers sleep very well. They don't wake up in the night and expect me to come running (or come to find me). I think it's because they sometimes cried and I didn't come running immediately. They usually don't cry in the car, maybe because they have learned that they will have to wait till we stop to get picked up. Jim says that sooner or later the child will have to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them, so it might as well be sooner.
In a large family, every child has to learn to wait their turn. The baby sometimes has to wait to nurse because Mommy is changing a brother's diaper or getting juice for a sister. Baby might cry a bit, but he learns quickly that Mommy will come as soon as she can, but it might be a minute or two. And he learns that it's ok to wait.

Now, I will say that I don't let my little babies cry for long periods of time. I nurse on demand, so I don't make them cry until the next feeding. And I don't let them cry themselves to sleep until they are older, but we'll talk about that next time. What I'm talking about here, really, is that when you are busy with your family and baby cries, don't feel guilty if he has to wait for a bit. Get to him as soon as you can, but don't drop everything as soon as he fusses. He'll be just fine.


Health

I went to the chiropractor last night and I am again amazed at how much better I feel. My baby is 3 months old now, and all those hormones that loosen up your joints are fading. I realized that as my joints were setting up again, they weren't aligned quite right. I'm so thankful for a wonderful chiropractor who can set things right for me.

It occurred to me that many other moms who have had several pregnancies would probably benefit from the attention of a chiropractor. The stress on our joints, especially our back and hips, from carrying our children can cause our bones to get out of alignment. Those hormones that relax our joints don't help any either. It may not manifest in overt pain, but it can certainly limit our function and hinder our health.

At my visit last night, my doctor fixed my neck and my back between the shoulder blades. In the 12 hours or so since my visit, the fluid that had been collected in my ear has drained and my neck feels much looser. My doctor also fixed my sacrum - that's the bone that fits between your hip bones. Mine was not aligned properly and it hurt! I could move pretty well, but I had trouble bending over, and I certainly couldn't pick anything up. Today my back feels so much better. I can bend and pick things up without pain. Even my varicose veins are better, probably from the improved blood flow in my hips.

If you have the ability to visit a chiropractor, especially if you are a mom of many children, I would suggest you do so. I don't go as often as I should, but my insurance only pays for 10 visits a year. But even occasional visits help a lot. It can make a huge difference in how you feel!


Recipe

I made this for dinner the other night and it was a hit. I've made the Chicken and gravy before, but it was a first for the biscuits. They were light and fluffy! Yummy! And all without any artificial additives and preservatives!

Chicken and Gravy

1.5 lbs chicken, cooked and cut into bite size pieces
1 Tbs olive oil
2 Tbs butter
1 russet potato, washed and diced
2 carrots, washed and diced
1 onion, sliced or chopped
1 rib celery, sliced
1 bay leaf
1 tsp poultry seasoning
3 Tbs flour (if you are leaving out the potato, make this 4 Tbs)
1 qt chicken stock
1 cup frozen peas

Place large pot over medium heat. Add oil, butter, veggies, and bay leaf. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Season with salt and pepper, add poultry seasoning. Add flour, stirring well. Cook for 2 minutes. Stir in stock and bring to a boil. Add chicken and stir. Cook until thickened (gravy will thicken some as it cools). Stir in peas just before serving. Serve with biscuits.

Biscuit Sticks

1 3/4 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt
3 tsp baking powder
4-6 Tbs butter, cold and cubed
3/4 cup milk

Preheat oven to 450.

In large bowl, sift dry ingredients. Add butter; cut it into dry ingredients with pastry blender. When the butter is too small to see, make a well in the center of the flour mixture; pour milk into well. Stir till dough is free from the sides of the bowl; turn onto floured board. Knead gently and quickly, 8-10 times. Roll with floured rolling pin till dough is 1/2" thick. Cut sticks into 1'2" strips, about 3" long. Brush with melted butter if desired. Bake 5-8 min.

(You could probably make these into round biscuits with a round cutter. Just bake them longer.)


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

Since we're talking about babies in this edition, I'll tell you some of the tricks I've learned to make life with babies easier.

Diaper bag - I keep my main bag in the house, and keep it stocked. I often have an older child check the supplies before we leave. I carry 3 of each size diaper or pullup, just in case. I also keep an emergency bag in each vehicle. It has 2 of each size diaper, a small package of wipes, a change of clothes for the baby, and a blanket or two (usually a warm one and a lighter one). That way, if I forget my diaper bag (as I'm prone to do) or if I run out of supplies, I have more in the car.

Crib - I don't actually use a crib for my babies. I put a porta-crib next to my bed, and that is just the right size. The bassinet inserts are the right height for me to reach a small baby in the night to nurse. For a very young baby who hasn't begun to roll over, I use an old car seat carrier (with straps removed) for the baby to sleep in. They aren't totally on their back, so they sleep a bit better.

Nursing in public - I have a nursing cover that I made that I use when I nurse in public. It's made from light cotton fabric, so it's not hot in the summer. It's a dark print, so it's not see-through. It's about 1 yard of fabric with the edges finished and an off-center hole cut out for my head. I put the cover over my head and it covers baby while he nurses. Having the cover go over my head keeps older babies from pulling it off. I've seen them for sale (at Target I think, but that was a long time ago) but I made my own because I wanted to choose the fabric.


Matthew 19:14 NKJV "But Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.'"

QuiverX Newsletter - Keep on Growing

Parenting

As I was looking back at the last few newsletters, it occurred to me that you might be getting the idea that having a large family is always chaos and stress. It's not, though every family goes through those seasons. The good news is that God has a purpose in letting families and people go through seasons like that.

I read a book a few years ago called Increasing Your Personal Capacity, by Eddie Windsor. It talks about how each of us has a capacity in our life, like a cup. Life happens, and that is like water in your cup. When life gets crazy and you are being stretched, your cup isn't big enough to hold all the water and you are overwhelmed. Once again, the good news is that God wants to grow you, so your cup grows and you have a greater capacity than before.

I find that my capacity is stretched after each new baby is born. Another time my capacity grows is when a child reaches a new stage of development, like with my toddler getting old enough to be more inquisitive about the world. I have to let the Lord stretch my cup so I can hold all the water He's pouring into my life. It's not easy, but it is good!

So if you are feeling overwhelmed with life right now, spend some extra time seeking the Lord. He wants to stretch you and increase your capacity. When you work with Him, the process goes much better and before you know it, you'll feel like things are clicking back into place again.


Homeschooling

It's summer time again, and those of you who are homeschooling are probably wrapping up for the year. We are almost done - we have most subjects done for the year and are just trying to finish up a few more by the end of the month.

My subject today is about planning for next year. Regardless of how you feel about how this year went, we need to look back and see what we need to do differently next year. If last year was terrible for some reason, don't be too frustrated. Take the summer off to relax and recuperate, then get back to school this fall with a new plan. If last year was wonderful, look back and see what you were doing right and think about how you can keep it up next year.

I've done most of my planning for next year already, but if you haven't, you still have plenty of time. Set aside some time for reflection. Remind yourself what your goals were for your children's schooling. Evaluate how you are doing on meeting those goals. Pray for wisdom and get God's guidance in how to proceed. Then make your plan.

One thing that I'm planning to do next year is give my older students more autonomy. I realized that I've been doing too much of the planning - of our schedule especially. That means that I am the one who feels the need to get things done, and not my children. If you remember my first article on child rearing, you'll see that this violates one of those principles. My children don't feel the urgency to finish their school when I'm the one who sets the schedule. So this year my older students will be more responsible for setting their schedule (on a daily basis and on a weekly basis). This will help them learn to budget their time, and help them take some ownership in their schoolwork, especially the schedule. By the way, these students are in 4th and 5th grades.

I'll keep you posted on how well it works.


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

Another area where I keep things simple is in our meals. I keep breakfast and lunch really simple, so I don't have to take a lot of time or thought. Some families like a schedule, where they have certain things on certain days. My family likes the same thing every day, so that makes it easy!

For dinner, I make a calendar and plan out the week. I also make a note about all events and appointments on that calendar. That helps me plan. For instance, if I'm going to be gone most of the day, I know I need to plan a fast meal to make when I get home, or something to put in the crockpot that morning before I leave. Also, having a meal calendar helps me make a shopping list and (hopefully) keeps me from forgetting to buy something I need.

I also keep a list of dinners that my family likes. That way, when I'm making my calendar and I can't decide what to make, I can look over the list. And when the store has chicken on sale, I can look over the list and see what chicken recipes my family likes and pick one. I do try new recipes as I find them, but I try not to do more than 1 new recipe every couple of weeks.

One more thing I do is estimate the total cost for making each meal. That helps me keep on budget. When my food budget is stretched, I can look over my meal list and choose dinners that cost less. When my budget is on track, I try to keep a mix of nicer meals, which are usually our favorites, and the less expensive ones.


Phil 1:6 (NKJV)

"...[B]eing confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;"

QuiverX Newsletter - Urgent or Important?

Parenting

"The work will wait while you show the child the rainbow, but the rainbow won't wait while you do the work." Author Unknown.

I came across this quote in one of my emails and it hit me like a brick between the eyes. You see, since our baby was born 2 months ago, I've been feeling overwhelmed and chronically behind in most of my areas of responsibility, just because babies require so much time and attention. I've managed to get some school done, but not every subject every day. And my housework and other chores seem to need more attention than ever.

So, of course, my initial reaction is to get try to work harder to keep up, getting more and more cranky as time goes by. When my children want my attention for something "less important" than whatever chore I'm working on, I get irritated with them. Sometimes I'm even short in my responses to them. After all, with everything I have to do, how can I possibly take time to play with them?

But God is faithful to bring us back into line when we get ourselves off track. He used this quote to remind me that after glorifying Him, my whole purpose is to raise my children. He reminded me that my job is not just about chores and pages of schoolwork completed. My job is to grow children!

Growing children is similar to growing a crop like wheat or corn. You can't just drop the seed in the ground and let things go "au naturale" and expect to get a profitable harvest. You have to fertilize your seeds, and remove the weeds, and water the plants when the sun gets warm, and protect it from parasites. THEN you will have a profitable harvest.

In order to raise my children for the Lord, I have to invest time and energy into their lives, and not just into the chores of our home. Only by doing that will I reap the reward of children who want to serve the Lord in their own lives. So I'm trying to focus on raising my children even while I work to catch up on my chores. I'm getting better. Today I even took some time to play a game with them!


From the Kids, by Tasha French

After hearing from my mom, some of you may be wondering what the quiver-full life is like for us kids who have to live it.

My mom was on birth-control for a long time, so I was actually an only child (and the only grandchild - imagine the presents!) until I was 9, so I know what it's like to be in a small family. However, if given the chance to go back and live my life as an only child all the way through, I would turn it down.

When I was an only child, and even when my first couple of siblings were babies and toddlers, it was really lonely. Sure, I had friends at school, but the fun stopped as soon as I got home. I'd busy myself with other things, but there wasn't anyone to play (or argue) with.

It was pretty rough transitioning to the new life, but it got a lot easier as we all got bigger. Especially in the last year or two, a lot of the older kids have grown to be mature enough to have actual conversations. Looking back, I wish that I had more siblings closer in age to help fill that gap.

We have our bad days, but so does everyone else. I wouldn't trade it for anything.


Quick Tip
K.I.S.S. -- Keep It Super Simple

One place where I try to keep it simple is when we are getting ready for church on Sunday morning. It can be a time where everyone gets stressed, and you run late, and by the time you get to church you aren't in a very good mood for praise and worship.

We use the KISS policy on Sunday mornings. I buy a box of frozen waffles for breakfast for the kids. Some eat them frozen, and some eat them toasted, but they are finger food on Sunday morning - no syrup allowed! And we give the kids their baths on Saturday night, which makes for a shorter list of things to do in the morning.

We also have a simple wardrobe for the children. My daughter has only a few dresses to choose from, so she doesn't have to think hard about what to wear. My boys have simple outfits, that happen to match, that they can wear most of the year. I only have to pick out something different if it's really hot. I keep all the parts of these outfits in my room so they don't get lost during the week. That saves me from having to hunt for a tie or belt or sock.

Most helpful, though, is our policy of being VERY early to church on Sunday mornings. We plan to be there 15-20 minutes early. That way, if we run later than normal, we still aren't late, and we don't need to get upset or stressed.

Oh, and take a few minutes to pop lunch in the crock pot before you leave and you'll come home to a wonderful lunch and a home that smells fantastic!


Philippians 2:3 (NKJV)
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

QuiverX Newsletter - Little Bites Save the Day

Parenting

I had a rough day the other day. It seemed like all day long I was dealing with cranky children, or I was finding a curious toddler getting into something and making a mess. I found ketchup on the floor (the bottle had been left on the counter by an older child). I found the toilet paper strewn across the bathroom. One older child saved my purse from being ransacked. It was NOT a good day!

It was made even worse by the fact that I had a really long "To Do List". There were so many things I needed to do, and so many things I'd fallen behind on, that I was already stressed. Each new mess added to my stress level as the day went on. I felt like I was trying to paddle upstream, and the current kept getting stronger and stronger.

But, gradually, as the day went on, I realized that there was a connection between my stress level, brought on by my long list of things to do, and the children's mischieviousness. I realized that my stress level had set the temper of the household for the day. I was cranky and inattentive, so the children took advantage of that. Of course, that made me even more cranky, setting off a viscious circle that only I could break.

So I took some time during the afternoon to unwind. I still had a long list of chores, but I took time to sit and nurse the baby, and even nap a bit. It's amazing how much better you can feel after taking a break, even a short one! I didn't feel as cranky and stressed, and I was able to finish the day in better spirits. I didn't finish everything on my list, but I wasn't as stressed about that fact.

The big lesson here, though, is what the Lord spoke to me as evening approached. I hadn't noticed as the day was going by, but as I began to slow down and think about things, I realized that I had set myself up for a bad day. You see, I hadn't been as diligent to keep up on some of those daily chores, so they built up on me. I hadn't taken the time to fold up the laundry, and it felt like there was a mountain to fold. I hadn't made sure to run the dishes, so I didn't have anything clean and I had twice as many to do. The Holy Spirit reminded me that if I had been diligent to keep up on many of these things, then it wouldn't all come down on me at once, and I wouldn't get stressed.

So this is my parenting help for today - keep up on those things that you can do a little bit each day, like dishes and laundry. If you do, then on those days where you have a long list of things to do, you won't have those extra chores on top of everything else. And that will help you keep from getting too stressed. But if you do find yourself stressed by having more to do than hours in the day, take a bit of time to unwind. Sit down and play with your kids for a few minutes, or dance to some worship music, or grab a power nap if you can. You'll feel a lot better, and your kids will have a happy parent again.


Recipe

I love this recipe for cheese sauce. It's so easy, and you can use it for almost anything. It makes great macaroni and cheese, or you can top vegetables with it, or you can make a cheesie casserole. Yum!

Homemade Cheese sauce (courtesy of Rachel Ray)

1 tbsp vegetable or olive oil
2 tbsp butter
3 tbsp flour
1-1/2 c milk
3 c shredded cheese
1/2 tsp nutmeg
1/4 tsp cayenne peppersalt to taste

Heat a pan over medium heat. Add oil and butter. When melted, add flour and combine. Gently cook, whisking together, till smooth. (It will look almost like wet sand.) Cook about 3 minutes. Slowly add milk, whisking to combine. Gently bring to bubbling, stirring frequently as it thickens. When thickened, add cheese slowly, stirring often as the cheese melts. Add seasonings, mix and serve.


Homeschooling

One mistake that most parents make when they start homeschooling is getting too ambitious with our school plans. We have such grand ideas about how we'll school our children, and we buy lots of curriculum to make it happen.

But, often, the plans we have are unrealistic. This is especially true if we are schooling a kindergartener or 1st grader. These new students don't know anything about school, and they aren't accustomed to sitting still for long periods of time. It's usually best to ease into school with younger students. Keep the lessons short, and focus on the basics. If your 6 year old is learning to count and read (phonics or being read to), then you are covering your bases for now. If your child is interested in other subjects, work with them on those subjects according to their interest level.

If you are bringing an older student home from another schooling situation, you still need to be careful not to go overboard on your plans. Remember, you may not fully understand your child's learning style yet. And you don't want to overwhelm a student and make them wish to be back in their old school. Again, ease into the new format, making adjustments as you go. Be ready to change curriculum if it's not working the way you want it to, or if it's not on the correct level for your child.

Remember, your days were full before you began homeschooling your child. It will be an adjustment to your schedule and will take up time that used to be used for something else. Easing into your new schedule will help everyone adjust and allow you to make adjustments as you go.

Quick Tip
KISS - Keep It Super Simple

Socks - I have a different type of sock for each child. We use white socks for everyday and black for church. When a child outgrows their socks, or I need to replace them, I make sure to buy a kind that nobody else has. For a couple of my boys who wear the same size sock, they just share them.

This keeps me from having a huge sock pile to sort, and makes it easy to know what sock belongs to what child.

BTW, my daughter does have a few other fancy socks, but they are very special and she doesn't wear them very often, so they aren't hard to keep track of. If you have a lot of girls with lots of socks that are special like this, a laundry marker is probably your best friend. Mark the socks on the bottom with an initial or a size or a number of dots (1st child gets 1, 2nd child is 2, etc) to indicate whose socks they are.


Phil 4:6,7 (NKJV)"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."

QuiverX Newsletter - Child Training & Vitamins

Parenting

Over the years I have read many parenting books. I've read everything from Dr. Spock's book to books by Dr. Dobson to the books written by Mike and Debi Pearl. Some things made sense to me, but many of them didn't make sense. It's easy to say that you just need to put your toddler in time out when he misbehaves, but it's a much different thing to make that work. And it's easy to say that you need to connect with your teenager and talk to them about the issues that are causing conflict, but it's a totally different thing to actually try to do that. I can say that from experience, I've tried to do both at one time or another.

I've developed my own philosophy of child discipline over the years, and it generally works. Not that I never have struggles with my children - I do. Each child is different and each stage of development offers new challenges both for the child and the parents. But, I can generally express my core philosophy of child discipline in 2 parts.

Part 1 – You Can't NOT Train Your Children

Every interaction with your children trains them about the world and how they interact with it. If you tell a child to do something and they refuse, your reaction trains them as to what is acceptable behavior and what isn't. If you tell them again, you train them that you will repeat yourself and that they can ignore the first instructions from you. If you get up to enforce your instructions, they will learn that they need to do what you say the first time.

Even if you try to NOT train your children, say by ignoring certain behavior, you are still training them. If your child is pulling tissues out of the box one after another and you ignore their behavior, you teach them that it's ok to pull tissues out of the box. So, even by ignoring behavior, you train your child.

You can't escape it – you ARE training your child. The key is to decide HOW you want to train your children, consciously and ahead of time. Then, if you are consistent in reacting in harmony with your chosen goals, your children will begin to behave the way you want. Not all the time, of course. They are still children and they will push the limits from time to time. But in a general sense, they will rise to your expectations.

Part 2 – Your Children Will Change Their Behavior Only When They are Uncomfortable
Often when our children are misbehaving, the parents are the ones who are distressed. We get upset about the mess, or we are embarrassed, or we are frustrated. We want our children to change their behavior, but we don't know how to make that happen.

The key is to make the child uncomfortable with the status quo. If THEY are the ones uncomfortable, they will be highly motivated to make a change in their behavior. Children are like anyone else – we all prefer to be comfortable and we'll go to great lengths to preserve our comfort zones.

So, when your child is misbehaving, make THEM uncomfortable. That will mean a different course of action for different children. Some will respond to being grounded, some will respond to a scolding, others will require other measures. Consider your child's personality and use what you think will get their attention.



Health

One thing that I have found that helps me keep up with life is taking my vitamins. If I don’t take them for a few days, I begin to see the difference. I have less energy and I’m less patient. If I still don’t take them, I’ll begin to see my health suffer. Needless to say, I’ve learned to take my vitamins!

One of my favorite vitamins is CoQ10. I have only been taking this for about a year, but it sure makes a difference! CoQ10 is a co-enzyme that helps your body with energy metabolism. It is common for people to have less CoQ10 as they age. It’s also common to be deficient in our country because so much of our food lacks nutrients. Another group of people who should take this supplement are people who take statins to reduce cholesterol. These medications tend to deplete CoQ10 levels, so supplementation is important.

When looking for a CoQ10 supplement, look for a softgel rather than a capsule. The softgels contain a more easily absorbed form of CoQ10. I take 100mg daily, but supplements range from 30mg to 200mg. In the health food section of my super market, I pay about $20 for a 30 count bottle of 100 mg softgels. I know it sounds expensive – it did to me when I first started taking it – but it really is worth it!

Please make sure you discuss with your doctor before starting any supplementation regimen.



Proverbs 3:5,6
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."

What is QuiverX?

Let me explain what living the QuiverX lifestyle means. If you've read our book, you'll know that we believe that Christian couples should allow God to determine the size of their family. That means not using birth control and welcoming the children God gives when He gives them. For some families that means they will have many children, sometimes close in age. That is the primary focus of this newsletter, since that is what we know from experience. Some families that follow this lifestyle will not have many children, or they may be spaced a little further apart. Some families will fill their quiver through adoption. All of these are wonderful! The whole point is to let God be in charge and let HIM be the one who decides how many children and how close together.