QuiverX Newsletter - Stake that Tomato

Parenting

One thing that any parent of a toddler can tell you is that they are good at getting into mischief. It seems that each toddler has their own mischief specialty. Some of my kids seem to have been born to climb. Others were so mechanically inclined that they figured out the baby-proofing mechanisms in my house. Some seem drawn to play with their parents' stuff. Others were obsessed with their older sibling's prized possessions. Still others love to play with the dog or cat food. Regardless of what a toddler prefers to use, their favorite pastime is making a mess, and they seem to be especially good at being discovered at the worst possible time - like just as guests are pulling into the driveway!

I'm am currently experiencing my 7th toddler and I still get surprised by him. By the time my toddler begins to outgrow the mischief stage, I feel like I finally have everything figured out. I know what that child will do in certain situations, and I've built up the habits of guarding his favorite targets. When we have a new baby, I have temporary confidence that I'll handle the inquisitive toddler months more easily this time. Certainly I have the house babyproofed THIS time! Unfortunately, each child has a different personality. What used to be the main target for the last toddler is ignored by the next, and I have to learn a new set of rules.

So how are we parents supposed to cope, especially when the rules of the game change each time a new child reaches this stage of development? The most basic line of defense, of course, is baby-proofing your home as much as possible. We keep the false doorknobs on many doors all the time. We keep magnetic locks on the kitchen cupboards that house glassware and other dangerous or delicate items. All our children are trained not to go into the front yard unless an adult is with them.(The front yard isn't fenced in like the back is.) Just this level of protection will save many stresses.

The next line of defense is your older children. Many times a big mess was averted because an older child came to tell me about a situation before it got out of hand. I don't consider this to be tattling - it's helping to protect and care for their younger sibling.

The ultimate defense, though, is called "tomato staking." Anyone who has grown tomatoes knows that eventually the plant gets too tall to stand on its own, and you have to tie it to something stronger, like a stake, to hold it up. This protects the fruit and the plant. With your toddler, if you "stake" the child to you by keeping them with you as much as possible during the day, you can protect the child from himself and save yourself a lot of messes.

The biggest challenge with tomato staking is that you have to plan your day so you are doing something that will interest the child while they are awake and save those "boring" things, like reading your email or talking on the phone, for naptime. I try to do some of my household chores during that time, involving the child as much as possible. My 2 year old loves to unload the dishwasher (he's not as good at loading it, so I save that for later), or help me sort laundry, or help me sweep or vacuum. He's great at picking up toys as long as I help direct him as we go. Not only am I keeping him from getting into trouble, but I'm also teaching him how to work and do chores!

Often, though, I am pregnant during this phase and just don't have the energy to be this active with my toddlers. On those days when I'm extra tired or sick, I'll put in a movie or tv show that they will watch, and I sit with them. We are still spending time together, but it doesn't take as much energy on my part. I will also go lay down on one of the kids' beds with the toddler and some toys. That will often give me an hour or more to rest while they play.

Toddlers are a challenge, there's no doubt about that. But if we can turn that energy into a positive direction, our precious "tomato plants" will grow and bear fruit that will bless us for many years to come!


Finances

In our last newsletter we talked about putting real numbers on things in our budget when we are trying to decide what needs to be cut. I mentioned a friend who didn't think she could go across town to shop because of the high price of gas. This leads us to another thing we must consider as we try to balance our budgets. It is the issue of time vs money.
It seems like you either have time to spend on something, or you have money. Rarely does a person have both. Sometimes a person doesn't really have either. But, to get something, you have to spend one or the other. If you want vegetables to eat, you either have to spend money to buy them or time to put in a garden. If you want new clothes, you either spend money to buy them or time to make them.

Sometimes we feel such pressure in our budget that we go out of our way to save money. We will go to 3 or 4 stores each week, buying certain things on sale at each store to save a bit on those items. What we have forgotten to consider is the amount of time we spend to do this. If you spend an extra hour (planning what to buy at which store, and time to go to these extra stores) just to save $5-$10, is this really a good use of your time? Isn't your time worth more than $10/hour? Often we feel the limits of our budget, but the amount of time we have available is just as finite.

One thing I did was try to tally up what it would cost to hire people to replace me. If I was going to hire housecleaning so I didn't have to do it, how much would that cost. Add that to the childcare, cooking, running errands, schooling, and bookkeeping that I do and that would cost a LOT! Even dividing that by 24 hours a day, your time is worth more than $10 per hour. From that perspective, it doesn't make much sense to drive across town to save $.50 per gallon on milk.

Of course this is something you have to keep in balance. Sometimes you simply don't have that extra $.50 per gallon to spend on milk, so you have to either drive across time or go without. Sometimes you have to spend the time. But often we only look at cutting our monetary costs and we forget our time investment. Our time is precious, so try to keep it in balance too.


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

One thing that can really overwhelm a family, especially a large family, is laundry. I have fought my way up laundry mountain more times than I can count, and over the years I've gotten a system down that keeps things easier. Here are some of my tips.

First, I don't sort my colors. I know some people do, but I don't. My dad always did our laundry and he never did either, and I could never tell the difference. I do keep separate things that need to be washed in a cold/delicate load, and some specific whites I wash separately (like our karate uniforms or our Sunday morning dress shirts), but otherwise, it all goes in the same load. If you do want to separate your colors, get one of those laundry sorters and use it!

Second, I keep my laundry washed. I try to never have dirty laundry sitting around. I might not have it all folded and put away, but at least it's clean and in the basket. That way if somebody is looking for something, when they find it they can wear it. Also, it keeps things from getting smelly.

Third, I have a staging area for my washed laundry. If I don't have time to fold it right away, I sort it into three places. Towels get folded and put away right away. All the boys clothes go in a basket for sorting. These will be sorted and stacked on the table in my laundry area. The rest - all adult, girls, and baby clothes - go in my bedroom (right next to the laundry). They go on my bed so they have to be dealt with before bed that night. They get further sorted and put away from there.

Fourth, I am trying to learn to fold the boys clothes a little bit every day, but I'm still not there yet. But at least when I fold up their clothes it only takes 30 min or so. I try to get them put away right away, but that often doesn't happen. But at least if they are folded on the table, my boys can find what they need pretty easily.

Right now, the kids store their clothes in bins that are on shelves in their closets. We don't use the closets for toys - just clothes. They have a rod across the top for dress clothes and coats and such, then they each have a shelf. They get a big bin for shirts and shorts, then a small bin for underwear and socks. They stack their pants between the two bins on the shelf. This is great because I can fit a lot more in the bins than I can in a dresser, and the bins are clear so they can see what's in the bottom. Best of all, I can tell when they have too many clothes - because their bin is overflowing! When that happens, we sort through and give some clothes away.

Ultimately I want a room just for laundry and clothes storage for the kids. I want shelves for the bins right there next to the washer and dryer. I'll put in a couple of changing rooms so the kids can get dressed right there. Their clothes will only leave the room when they are being worn. How nice will that be!


Proverbs 22:15 NKJV "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of correction will drive it far from him."