QuiverX Newsletter - Milestones

Parenting

The next stop in our overview of parenting different age groups is the 7-10 year old. This age group is dominated by the school experience, so whether you homeschool or not, you are spending a lot of time on school related issues with these children. When you think about it, your child has a lot to learn! They have to learn about riding the bus and eating in the lunchroom and playing with all the other children, and that doesn't even include all the academics they are learning!

According to the classical education model, this age reacts very favorably to chants and songs to help them memorize things. Most of us remember singing rhymes as we played, whether we were jumping rope or choosing who was "It" in our game of tag. They were silly little ditties that didn't make any sense (whoever thought of catching a tiger by the toe was crazy!) but we still remember them today. This is something we can turn to our advantage as we work with our children. Use rhymes or songs to teach them things they need to memorize. We used the Schoolhouse Rock videos to learn our multiplication tables last year and they loved it. Even my preschoolers were singing the songs. You can use this for learning everything from Scripture to the states and capitals to math tables to emergency contact information.

Another thing about this age group is their love of games. I remember fondly the private school I went to during my elementary school years. The teachers had many games that we played to learn all sorts of things. They were fun for us, but we were learning critical thinking skills, or teambuilding, or math tables, or historical information. Only looking back from adulthood can I see the depth of education I received from these great games. Sneak some extra learning into your children's lives by getting some of the good quality games that are available today, or make up your own. Some are computer based, and this can be great, but some are the traditional board games too. I love this section of the Rainbow Resource catalog!

I think the hardest part of parenting children of this age is the rapid change they are experiencing. They go from an excited 7 year old to a moody preteen in a few short years. It's hard for my habitual personality to make the adjustment. Thankfully, my children have been more than willing to remind me when they are approaching those "tween" years.
Next time I'll talk more about those preteen years that are so challenging, and yet only a foretaste of what is to come.

Milestones

In our family, we have decided that we want to have milestones for our children as they travel the road to adulthood. We realized that our culture doesn't have very many milestones as you grow up. There aren't many days when you can look back and say that I'm suddenly older and have more responsibility than yesterday. Even birthdays tend to be more an exercise in materialism than anything else. We wanted to change that for our children.

We got the idea from the book Raising a Modern-Day Knight, by Robert Lewis. The book talks about having a coming-of-age ceremony for fathers and sons. While discussing the concept, we decided that we didn't want to wait till adulthood to have these ceremonies, and we didn't want to do them only for our sons.

So we developed our milestones. We patterned them after the process of becoming a knight that boys followed in the times of chivalry. Generally, they started as a page, then became a squire, then were knighted by their lord or king. We make our children a page at age 8. We have a small ceremony with our family and some trusted adults that are important in our children's life. At age 13 the child becomes a squire. This is a larger ceremony with more people attending. At age 18 the child is knighted by Jim in a big ceremony where we invite everyone we can think of.
At each stage, the child is given both more freedom and more responsibility. This makes it very easy to declare that a certain privilege or responsibility is page-level or squire-level or knight-level. That way all the children know that when they have attained that level, they will have that same freedom or responsibility. No more complaining about things not being fair! For instance, our pages are required to attend pre-service prayer with Jim each Sunday, but the younger children can play in the nursery. The pages also get to schedule time to do something alone with Jim for a few hours each month or so, which is a precious privilege for our kids. Each stage comes with more freedom AND more responsibility.

To symbolize the increased responsibility at each stage, they are given a weapon at each ceremony commensurate with their level. Pages get a swiss army knife, symbolizing their role of serving their family and others. This knife is a utility knife for every situation and we are teaching our pages to serve wherever they are. Squires get a dagger. This is still primarily not a fighting weapon, but you could use it as such in a pinch. Our squires are beginning their training in spiritual warfare - learning to pray for the lost and the sick, learning to defend their faith, and learning to witness to the lost. Squires are still in a role of serving, but they are learning to use their fighting weapons. Our knights receive a sword and are knighted in full ceremony. They even spend an extended time in prayer with a few close friends the night before the ceremony, as the knights of old used to. When they are knighted, they are adults and are treated as such. Not that they don't still respect us and seek our guidance about things, and we don't make them move out or anything. But the relationship between parent and child changes that day.
Your family might not decide to take our pattern and use it in your own family, but I would encourage you to think about the process of raising your children from the big picture perspective. Think about ways you can be intentional about how you raise your kids and what you teach them. Having milesones can be a part of that. After all, if you know at the start where you are trying to go, you'll have a better chance of getting there.

Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

People are amazed when they find out that I have 8 children, but the thing that often amazes them more is that we have a dog and 2 cats. I usually laugh and tell them that I wouldn't have 8 children WITHOUT my dog! (The cats aren't really intended to DO anything in the home, except be cute and fuzzy, which they are good at.)

My dog Shadow saves me so much work! Without my dog I'd have to sweep under the kitchen table after each meal. And I'd have to search out all the crumbs and scraps of bread that the children sneak out of the dining room. But I don't have to - Shadow does it for me! That alone is worth the price of dog food!

Plus, because Shadow is a big dog (shepherd, lab, collie mix), he is a security measure also. He barks when people walk by our house, and while he's usually friendly to people, I've seen him be very agitated with an unsavory looking teenager at my front door. If that young man had ideas about doing something to us, I'm sure he thought twice about it after seeing Shadow!
His particular mix is a good one for a big family. He's protective of us with strangers, but when we invite someone in he accepts the guests readily. He is almost never aggressive with our kids, and loves to play with them.

If you don't have a dog yet, don't dismiss the idea. Yes, they require some attention and you have to feed them and care for them, but I have found that they add more to the home than they take. If you are considering a dog, my best advice is to get one that is a mixed breed of friendly, family dogs. We once had a shepherd/rottweiler mix that didn't work out so well. He was great with our family but didn't accept guests into the house. Also, puppies are a lot more work, but it's worth it, in my opinion. You get the opportunity to socialize the dog the way you want, and to train it the way you want. If you get an older dog, you risk getting a dog with habits that might not be acceptable to your family. And when you get your puppy, spend a lot of time with the dog. Take them places where they will meet many different people. Take them to obedience classes so you can train him or her. There is no greater turnoff than a big undisciplined dog! But a wonderfully trained and friendly dog can be a huge asset to your home for years to come!


Psalms 34:11 (NKJV)"Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the LORD."