QuiverX Newsletter - The Balance of Life

Parenting

As your children move from the preteens into their teens, things change again. Some of those peer pressure conflicts are less pressing, and I found that my daughter wasn't quite as out of control emotionally. However, other pressures begin to come into play, and these are challenging in their own right.

The teen years are a time when the young person is trying to figure themselves out, apart from their parents. They might begin to question their faith. Our daughter did - not really from the standpoint of rebelling against it, but more from the standpoint of needing to decide if she really believed what she had been taught. And as she began to own her faith rather than going on her parents' coat tails, we began to see fruit in her life.

Teens are reevaluating much of what they have been taught, to decide what they will "own" and what they will discard. It might be different issues with each young person, but this is a root of many conflicts between teens and parents. Sometimes parents feel threatened by this process because they feel like their child is rejecting so many of the principles and rules they have been raised with. Our approach to this was to have many, many conversations with our daughter about why we do what we do, going back to Scripture whenever possible. We realized that our goal wasn't to force our daughter to conform to our wishes, since she would soon be old enough to do whatever she wanted. Our goal was to win her heart and to convince her of the wisdom of our choices. Be aware, though, that your children probably won't choose to follow everything you want them to. That is their choice (when they are adults, anyway) and you can't force them to believe something. That is the nature of having free will. But if you can explain things and discuss them with your teenager, there is a good chance they will see many things from your point of view.

One of the other challenges of parenting a child this age is keeping the balance between the rules you require to be followed while they are still children and allowing them to go through this evaluation process. We didn't allow our daughter to ignore our rules, even if she didn't agree with them. It does cause conflict, but it's still important for the parents to maintain their authority. The young person may be maturing rapidly and approaching adulthood, but they aren't there yet. They still need their parents to protect them from their immaturity and inexperience.
Please keep in mind, though, that this balance changes as they grow. It's a gradual transfer of power, so to speak. You have to exert more control over a 13 or 14 year old than a 17 year old. This is a difficult thing for parents to balance, and we found ourselves in prayer often seeking God's wisdom and guidance. Prayer is a key to navigating these difficult years. Pray for wisdom, both for you as parents and for your children. Pray for their protection as they are beginning to stretch their wings. Pray for God to give you the right words as you talk to your teens.

Over the next few newsletters we'll talk about some of the specific issues relating to teenagers and how we dealt with them. I hope they will give you some ideas!


Do The Next Thing

At an old English parsonage down by the sea, there came in the twilight a message to me.

Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven that, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.

And all through the hours the quiet words ring, like a low inspiration, 'Do the next thing.

Many a questioning, many a fear, many a doubt hath its quieting here.

Moment by moment, let down from heaven, time, opportunity, guidance are given.

Fear not tomorrow, child of the King, trust that with Jesus, do the next thing.


Do it immediately, do it with prayer, do it reliantly, casting all care.

Do it with reverence, tracing His hand, who placed it before thee with earnest command.

Stayed on omnipotence, safe 'neath His wing, leave all resultings, do the next thing.

Looking to Jesus, ever serener, working or suffering be thy demeanor,

in His dear presence, the rest of His calm, the light of His countenance, be thy psalm.


Do the next thing.

~~ Elizabeth Elliot


Quick Tip

KISS - Keep It Super Simple

With the Holidays approaching, look for ways to apply the KISS principle to your celebrations. Here are some things we do.

We try not to overdo our schedule, especially in December. We don't go to every Christmas party we are invited to. We try to keep our schedule from getting overwhelmed. Otherwise our stress level gets too high and we aren't actually enjoying the celebrations.

We also try not to let our diet go out the window. If we do and we eat too many sweets, we get the flus and colds that go around this time of year. This goes along with keeping your schedule from getting overwhelmed. If you aren't getting enough sleep or you are too busy to cook like you normally do, your immune system won't function at its best.

For us, we do a big dinner on Thanksgiving. While I'm cooking, Jim and the kids decorate the house for Christmas. The tree goes up, along with all the other indoor decorations. Then the lights go up outside. We love to light up our house for Christmas, even if it takes a bit of time to install everything.

We also don't have any family close by us, so we don't have a lot of travelling to do for Christmas. So we open our present early most years. Jim will take some time off to make it a long weekend (or more) and we open presents at the beginning of this vacation. Often our family will send us gift cards for Christmas rather than shipping presents, so we will go shopping on those last days before Christmas, or right after, to take advantage of the great sales. It's not stressful for us because we don't have deadlines and we aren't stressing our budgets - we're spending our Christmas money!

Oh, and this might be the most important way to keep the holidays happy and stress-free. Budget all year round for Christmas time. Then you won't be stressed from trying to find money in your budget at the last minute, and you won't be using credit cards.



1 Timothy 4:12 (NKJV)"Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."